Forgetting the Former Things

My Thoughts on Prayer

2011-01-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

A dear friend of mine, a woman of deep prayer and great wisdom, shared with me her thoughts on prayer. I thought they were so profound that I wanted to share it with my readers and she has graciously agreed to allow me to post them here. I know you’ll be encouraged. So, sit back and enjoy what Linda has to say about her times of intimate conversation with her Father. To read more about Linda, check out my previous post.

Linda’s Thoughts on Prayer

A daily touch with God – from the deepest most intimate places in our heart and mind. A sharing of all needs and wants. To give our most sincere thanks for everything – whether it be big or small, material and human, emotional or life. He is there ALWAYS to listen and understand our prayers.

Like a daily talk with a very dear friend. Not always getting the answer we want but He is ALWAYS there to listen. Like having a “dear Father” to lay your head on his shoulder, especially in times of trouble. Needs, worries – He is there!

When I have a very serious need no matter what kind, I talk to Him like he is my best friend because he really is!! I talk day or night – driving, working, during the night, just when I am deep in thought about a particular need, whether it be my need or the need of a dear friend or family member – I know all I have to do is say “Father.” He is there!! What a wonderful gift he has blessed us with, to the able to share everything with him. I always try to remember to spend more time praising and thanking him:

1) Just for being God and always being there.

2) For seeing our needs always and answering our prayers.

3) For the comfort he only can give, letting us know he is so constant and ever mindful of us and our human weakness.

4) I sometimes sing during prayer. If I have a song in my heart about one particular situation, I will sing it to my Father. He gave us all those beautiful hymns and he loves to hear them, from our hearts and voices. So I give them back to Him.

When I have a friend, like Aida who shares a need with me, I can’t wait to talk to Father about it because I love her. Prayer is another way of expressing love. When you call their name to a loving Father, from a heart of love, about someone you love – It is all about LOVE!

One more thing about prayer, you never have to be ashamed to tell Him anything or ask anything of him. He already knows anyway but he wants to hear from our lips and hearts. He has developed "a need – love – faith – trust method" to help us see how we must feel about Him.

I pray out loud when I can. It is good for our own ears to hear what we say to the Father. It is a reminder that we are talking to our wonderful God and that we evidently believe there is someone listening or we wouldn’t be talking to Him.

When our Father sent his Son Jesus to be the savior of the world, he not only sent a bundle of himself in the flesh, he sent all his love and to be able to access that love, we need prayer. That is why I believe prayer is love. For, when we pray, we do so because we love, either us or someone else. All out of Love.

In prayer, we not only give our thoughts and prayers to God, we give ourselves to him and to each other. Truly united in prayer and supplication for our brothers and sisters.

“Sweet hour of prayer, Sweet hour of prayer
That calls me from a life of care
He bids me at my Father’s throne
Makes all my wants and wishes known.

In seasons of despair and grief,
My soul has found relief
I’ll lay on him, my every care and lean on him
Sweet hour of prayer.”

That was my granddaddy’s favorite hymn. I can hear him singing all over his farm. He believed and loved our Father with all his heart. Many times, I saw him on his knees in prayer. He lived through some very bad times but I don’t ever remember his faith ever wavering. I believe it was because his prayer life was the most wonderful thing about his life. He always blessed his food and asked God for every good and perfect gift. He was a strong man and made no bones about how much he loved God.

I know where he is right now – Singing with Jesus in heaven.

Linda

Watering the Kernels of Truth

2010-12-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

Lately, God has been changing how I look at the people around me and what I’ve been focusing on. I’m seeing more and more that this journey isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong but it’s about people and relationships. Religion has convinced us that what we believe is what is most important and we have to do whatever we can to convince others of our truths. While I do think it’s important to have correct doctrine, I think we’ve blown it all out of proportion and the result is that believers think that it’s their job to correct wrong beliefs, even the smallest ones.

The truth is that the Holy Spirit is the teacher of the church and, while he may work through other believers, he usually does it through relationships. In concentrating its emphasis on correct doctrine, I believe the church has gotten off and the result has been a church that is divided into various camps based on what each group believes. The result is anger and vicious attacks on one another and on those outside of the camp.

However, when we focus on relationships, the fighting stops. While I’m not saying that we should compromise our beliefs, I do believe we need to recognize and appreciate the kernels of truth that are in all of us because each of us has some aspect of truth that’s alive in us. I’m coming to believe that instead of focusing on what I view as a person’s wrong thinking and feeling like I have to fix it, I now want to water and encourage those kernels of truth that are shining so brightly in them and watch them grow.

Recently, one of my friends was describing a conversation he had had with another mutual friend of ours. During the conversation, our mutual friend said, “I don’t care if you’re right or wrong. I care about you.”

That simple statement exploded in my heart. I really believe that’s the secret to this journey in Christ. I’ve determined that this is how I want to live my life, seeing and encouraging the life of Christ that’s in each of us and giving others the freedom to grow and to discover truth in their own way and time.

Savoring the Lord's Supper

2010-11-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

I’ve been on Weight Watchers now for about a year and a half. Since I’m still in the process of losing weight and trying to learn to eat healthy, I think it’s great whenever I find an article that gives me suggestions that I can use to develop a healthier lifestyle.

I tend to eat too quickly so recently, when I read an article about eating slowly, it immediately caught my attention. The author said it takes time about 20 minutes for our sense of full to kick in so when we gobble our food too quickly, we don’t give ourselves enough time to feel full. So, as a result, we tend to overeat. Instead, the article said that we need to eat slowly and savor eat bite. This is a concept that I’m trying to learn but unfortunately I’ve usually consumed most of my meal before I remember to slow down and savor it.

In the Christian religion, a tradition has developed which is called the Lord’s Supper. In this tradition, the participants sit quietly in neat rows while they are each given a tiny piece of bread to eat and a thimbleful of grape juice to drink. When the activity is over, they’re told that they’ve just participated in the Lord’s Supper. I believe this tradition cheapens the meaning of the Lord’s Supper. The Lord’s Supper was never meant to be tiny snack quickly consumed in a mournful atmosphere. Instead, it was supposed to be a full meal enjoyed by the family of God.

Dictionary.com defines savor as “to give oneself to the enjoyment of: to savor the best in life.”

I think this is a great description of how we’re supposed to eat the Lord’s Supper. It’s a time to relax and savor the meal in a thankful, joyful atmosphere surrounded by family and friends. Instead of sitting quietly and eating, it should be a time filled with conversation and laughter as we celebrate our lives together as believers.

Today, it’s known that an important part of healthy family life is the time when the family gathers around the dinner table and shares with one another the events of their day. We live in a busy society where during the day, family members are scattered going their separate ways. The communal family dinner is important for keeping the family together. Of course, some families sit at the same table and each eats his or her own meal in total silence so the food really isn’t what’s important. What is important is that each member takes time away from his or her busy schedule to connect with the others in a meaningful way and this always involves conversation and sharing.

The same is true for God’s family. As we gather together and share our lives over a meal, relationships are formed. Instead of being a people of rituals and traditions, as children of God, we’re to be people of relationship.

I believe the Lord’s Supper actually takes place when the church gathers for a covered dish supper. Each participant brings a meal to share with the rest of the family. As they gather to eat and share the events of their lives, walls come down in this relaxed atmosphere. Together, they remember and re-count the blessings of their salvation and the family experiences the unity of fellowship. Before his death, Jesus asked God to bring the church into oneness with one another and also with him and God. I believe the unity of fellowship that is experienced when the church gathers together to eat a meal is an answer to this request.

The Necessary Element of Prayer

2010-10-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Monday night of this week, Darin Hufford’s daughter Emma was rushed to the hospital after she fell off the monkey bars onto her back. She broke her arm in two places and there was concern that she might also have spinal injuries. It was stressful for the family as they waited. The doctors finally decided to do an MRI but she reacted badly to the medicine they gave her so the MRI had to be cancelled. Darin later reported that she was fine and was being released.

While I waited, all I could think of was sweet little Emma lying on a hospital bed with possible major injuries. What was going on with my friends was difficult for me since I was so far away plus I had just seen them the week before. (To read my post regarding the wonderful weekend I spent with Darin and his family, follow this link.)

On this journey that I’m on, I’ve struggled with knowing what prayer should look like. As I worried about Emma and her family, I thought about putting this need on a prayer list. Instead, I ended up asking only one friend to pray. When the good report came that Emma was fine and that she was home, I told my friend, Linda, and the joy and relief on her face was obvious. I told her that I knew she would pray and it was obvious to me that she had.

I thought about why she was the only one I had asked to pray even though there were other friends I could have asked and the answer that came to me was love. I knew that even though she didn’t know Darin or Emma, she knew me and loved me. Because she loved me, I was confident that she would care about and pray for what was important to me.

We hear so much about faith being the secret to effective prayer. Although faith is important, there’s another element that I believe is just as important and maybe even more important than faith and that element is love. Without love, we won’t pray and, if we do pray, it’ll be a half hearted prayer that we do to get over our feelings of guilt and then we quickly forget to pray again. The bottom line is we don’t pray because we don’t love.

Love will compel us to pray and to continue to pray even when we don’t see the results we want. We can’t work up love but, as we’re set free by God’s love and acceptance, love will become who we are.

As I look at this friend who prayed for Emma, I see love personified in her. Linda is love and, even though she struggles with issues in her own life, she doesn’t hesitate to talk to our Daddy because love compels her.

It's Good to Be Seen

2010-10-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

As a followup to the first podcast I did with Darin Hufford and Aimee Dassele while I was in Arizona last weekend, we also did one entitled "It's Good to Be Seen." That has now been posted and, in it, we talked about how many people who suffer abuse have learned to cope with it by rationalizing the abuser's actions away until they've convinced themselves that they're really not being abused. It was a great conversation which I think you'll enjoy.

To listen to it, go here.

Discussing Spiritual Abuse

2010-10-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

I recorded a couple of podcasts with Darin Hufford during my recent visit with him and his family. How exciting it was to be in the recording room and to see what goes on behind the scene of the “Into the Wild” podcast. I had never realized how much prep work is necessary even before the actual recording starts so I now have a greater appreciation for all of the time and effort that Darin puts into recording and posting two podcasts a week.

Darin has just posted the first of these podcasts, “Spiritual Abuse – An Interview with Aida Calder.” I hope you enjoy the conversation.

Impressions of an Amazing Family

2010-10-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

I’m writing this while sitting on an airplane headed home from Phoenix, Arizona after having spent the weekend with Darin Hufford and his family. Darin and I have been friends for a number of years and I have spoken to him and his wife on many occasions. I had finally gotten to meet him earlier this year when he was in Alabama. That weekend in Alabama was absolutely wonderful! My life was radically changed and I’m still living in the freedom that I experienced while there. I wrote a post about that amazing weekend and, if you’d like to read it, follow this link.

I arrived in Phoenix Friday night and Darin picked me up at the airport. He was accompanied by his two youngest daughters, Emma and Eva, two absolutely gorgeous little dolls. When we got to his home, I was greeted by Angie his wife. Angie and I are also good friends but this was my first time actually meeting her in person. I also met Darin’s other three children as well as their dog, Snowball. Actually, I had already met his oldest daughter Landin while in Alabama and fallen in love with her so it was great to see her again. However, it was my first time meeting their second daughter Sidney and their son Jude so I was excited to be able to see the entire family together.

Although Darin and I have been friends for quite some time, by spending time in his home with him and his family, I was able to see him in a totally different light.

Darin is an amazingly gifted person and, because he’s an author and speaker who travels throughout the world, people tend to look at him with starry eyes and fail to see the real man. I’ve heard people say that he’s arrogant but the Darin that I know is a man of great humility who is passionately driven by his love for people and his desire to see them set free. Since I met him a number of years ago, my life has been transformed in a major way and I know that has also been the experience of thousands who have heard him teach or have read what he has written.

Darin and his family live simply and enjoy life together. I was immediately put at ease and I was able to just kick back and be myself. Knowing that I’m loved and accepted unconditionally caused me to feel like I didn’t have to pretend. I could just be myself. What I discovered about the Hufford household is that there’s no pretense there. What you see is what you get. How refreshing that is in a world where people are always wearing masks.

While there, I also had the privilege of meeting Aimee Dassele and Amy Ramos who both help Darin with the "Into the Wild" podcasts. It was great putting a face to a voice and to spend time getting to know them as well. Because of his work schedule, I was unable to meet Robert Ramos and that was a disappointment. Maybe it'll work out next time.

And now about . . . Angie! What a gift she is to Darin and the Free Believers Network. I was immediately struck by her gentle nature but I also saw that she’s a woman of great strength. She’s a support for Darin and the two of them work together as one to take care of their family and to share the message of God’s love and grace. Darin told me that she’s the perfect wife for him and I could immediately see that was true.

Their children are typical children with a lot of squabbling but, in spite of that, it was obvious that there was a lot of love among them all. The level of love in the Hufford household is unique and I was immediately surrounded by it and it felt good.

Darin is founder of the Free Believers Network, a website devoted to sharing the message that God is love and that he loves you. He’s also author of the bestselling book, “The Misunderstood God.” His ministry has been life changing for me and, if you haven’t read his book, I suggest getting a copy, making yourself comfortable and start getting to know the God that religion has hidden from us. And, I’m sure you’ll discover the God that you’ve always known in your heart.

To order a copy of “The Misunderstood God,” follow this link.

Love: The Foundation of Patience

2010-10-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

We’re often told about the dangers of asking for patience. We’re warned that if we do, God will answer our prayers by zapping us with a string of terrible problems because patience comes as we learn how to endure problems without blowing up. However, the truth is we don’t have to ask for patience because we already have it. We don’t have to pray for it nor do we have to try to work it up.

Patience doesn’t come through standing tough in the middle of problems because patience is a fruit of the spirit. It’s an aspect of God’s nature and it was placed in us when he came to live in us. As children of God, we now have his nature so patience is now an aspect of our nature. Our new hearts are now filled with patience so all we have to do is let patience have its perfect work.

I believe the reason so many of us struggle with a lack of patience is because we’ve lost connection with our hearts. Our hearts are the seat of God’s life in us and, when we lose connection with our hearts, we block the flow of his life in and through us. So, even though we have patience, we’re not always patient.

Darin Hufford does a fantastic teaching that he calls “Consulting the Flame.” I love how he compares God’s love with a flame that burns in our hearts and , as we examine that flame, we can see what’s in the hearts of others. In his book, “The Misunderstood God,” Darin said, “Perhaps the most exciting revelation I came to understand when I fell in love with people was that patience comes through understanding. Understanding comes through love. When you truly love someone, whether a spouse, a child, or a friend, you understand his or her heart. And when you understand someone’s heart, you have patience.” (page 30)

When we see what’s in the hearts of others, we’ll understand why they behave the way they do and, when we understand, patience is produced as a by-product of that understanding but it all begins with love.

He also said, “Love is the same way. When you love someone, you will see the injured child in everything they do. Love’s eyes look beyond the flesh and into the heart. People who lack patience are blind to the heart. Love sees a person’s heart because love both originates in the heart and is directed toward the heart. When looking for patience, we must turn to love to find it.” (page 31)

I think Darin has said it well. Patience comes through understanding and understanding comes from love and love comes as we learn to see with our hearts. It is a process, however, so learning how to see with our hearts is not always automatic. It takes time to develop and even then, it’s a choice. I suppose while we’re in these earth suits, patience will never be fully developed but I believe we can grow in it as we learn to see with our hearts.

MY JOURNEY OUT OF OZ – THE EXODUS

2010-09-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

My friend, Windblown, has continued the story of her journey out of spiritual abuse into freedom and she has graciously allowed me to post it. Here she describes her exit from the abusive group. To read her previous posts, go here and here. Windblown's daughter who had also been part of this cult also shares her story for, as windblown told me, her story is also windblown's story. This is an amazing story of God's redemption and restoration.

MY JOURNEY OUT OF OZ – THE EXODUS

OR

”THERE’S NO PLACE

LIKE HOME”

Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?

Glinda: You don’t need to be helped any longer. You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.

Dorothy: I have?

Scarecrow: Then why didn’t you tell her before?

Glinda: Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~“I stepped out of the door, locked it behind me. I left in a borrowed car, with only my clothes and books. No home, no family, no future (that I could see.)

But as I stepped out, it was as if I was lifted on “eagles wings” and taken forth into my new life.

I felt as if I had been “flung” into the air, and the very Hand of God caught me and has never let go of me.”~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wind was at my back, my future ahead of me~~I WAS FREE!

Prisons aren’t always high walls and bars. Some prisons are only in our minds.

I didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of my “windblown” life.

Driving down the highway I felt strangely calm and at peace. The fact that I had no idea where I would live was not a pressing issue at that moment. A friend who had a missions group offered to let me stay there for 2 weeks until I left for a scheduled month-long trip to another country where we did missions work.

The church was still intact at this point, although everything was being shaken and about to implode.

I was still on staff, but since my main function was as “intercessor/armor-bearer/traveling companion” for the pastor, my “job” was pretty much gone. But, all I felt was “peace.”

~~~~~REUNITED-RECONCILED-RESTORED~~~~~~

Several pastors and leaders had told me that I should try to contact my daughter whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to in over 7 years. I told them that I had to forsake my family because of my loyalty to my church and my family was not agreement with our views and beliefs. Plus, my daughter, according to my beliefs at the time, had broken “covenant” with us by leaving the church–a very grievous action.

One person said to me, “ Would you have stood by your daughter if she had committed a crime?” (Thinking of mothers of even the worst criminals that I had seen on TV who stood by their children, I knew that a mother’s love never stops and always believes.)

I answered, “Of course. But I needed to be loyal to my pastor. “

The person said, “What about loyalty to your own daughter?”

The power of those words hit my heart like a hammer, shattering the lie into millions of pieces, like broken glass, falling around my feet.

How could I have been so blind?

How could I ever think she would forgive me and welcome me back into her life, after my treatment of her?

I knew that I had to try to get in touch with her before I left the country.

As I was walking from my car, to the house where I was staying, I remember praying,

“Lord, I will contact my daughter, but I don’t know when and I don’t know how.”

Fear gripped me as I thought about her hanging up on me or telling me to leave her alone. Besides, I didn’t have her address or phone number.

When I reached the top of the stairs going to my room, a phone in the room down the hall was ringing. I usually just ignored it, since it wasn’t mine, but I started walking toward the room, and listened as the answering machine took the call.

It was my granddaughter on the answering machine, saying,” Do you know where my grandma is, my dad and aunt are worried about her and we don’t know where to find her.”

I could hardly believe my ears~~it hadn’t even been 5 minutes since I prayed! How did she get this number and why would she call here?

I picked up the phone, told my granddaughter what was going on and asked for my daughter’s phone number.

I dialed her number, it only rang once and there she was.

I said, “It’s mom.”

She said, “Oh mom, when can I see you?”

I said, “I’ll be right there.”

We made plans where we would meet and within an hour we were hugging and crying!

~~~AMAZING GRACE~~~HOW SWEET THE SOUND~~~

I know how the Prodigal Son must have felt when his father RAN to meet him on the road, held him and welcomed him back to the family, after all the years of squandering his inheritance.

I had squandered my most precious jewels for a deception and a lie.

But now I was HOME!!!

windblown1

~~~~~~~~~~

My Daughter’s Story

~~THE MASTER WEAVER~~

THE HOMECOMING

Separated by the powers of darkness, 1997 proved to be the darkest valley of my life. In this year, over the period of one night, I would be amputated from every relationship in my world, including my Mother (with the exception of my husband and Good Samaritan.) Resident in this cocoon of grief, turmoil and raw despairing of life, I believed that my Mother and I would be reunited. Though the bond suffered an agonizing blow that appeared dead, time would mature this faith until the powers of resurrection delivered her to my heart 7 years later.

There was a guest bedroom in our first home and there was a note on the table beside the bed. The note read, “Welcome Home MOM.” Though she did not know it, He had prepared a safe place for her to reside. She would not arrive in time to see this room, but another room awaited her in our present home.

One evening in May of 2004, my husband and I were relaxing after dinner at our kitchen table. As we spoke, the Sovereign Presence of the Almighty filled our kitchen. It was as if time stood still. I said, ” God is doing something right now….with Mom.” I felt like God ushered himself through our kitchen.

It was the very next day, my telephone rang and my mother was on the other end ~ freed by the King of the Exodus. In an instant, the forces of restoration were moving at lightning speed to forever weave the ties that He created long ago.

Truly, let NOT man put asunder that which HE has JOINED together.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. We made it ~ to the Glory of our King.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Join us now in rejoicing in this wonderful modern-day story of redemption and restoration.

“There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.”

Corrie ten Boom

44 Years Together

2010-09-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well, another year has passed. It’s hard to believe that today, I’ve been married for 44 years to the same wonderful man. Married life is still an adventure of learning and growing. Relationships are never static and ours certainly hasn’t been but I feel like I’m still learning what it means to live in an authentic relationship of loving and caring.

This is a special day that I never dreamed about 44 years when we committed to one another so, to celebrate this day, I’ve decided to link to a post I did two years ago on our 42nd anniversary.

Charlie, it’s been a wonderful 44 years and I still love you. Happy anniversary!

Killing the Heart

2010-09-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

The heart is the fountain or wellspring of life. It contains the essence of who we are so that’s why God has chosen to live within our hearts. Because it is the place where God has chosen to meet with us, it’s critical that we guard our hearts.

Religion by its nature is an enemy of the heart because it attacks it by telling us that our hearts are wicked and can’t be trusted. This creates insecurity because it causes us to distrust the voice of God who speaks to us from our heart. This false teaching is actually based on an Old Covenant verse which doesn’t apply to us today. Instead as children of God under a new covenant, we’ve been given a new heart which is infused with the life of God.

Discussing spiritual abuse, Jim Robbins said that “This abuse may not even be intentional, but kills the heart nonetheless.” Since the heart is the wellspring of life, it’s critical that it be protected. Wellspring is defined as “a source or supply of anything, esp. when considered inexhaustible.” In other words, God’s life in us can’t be exhausted. It never comes to an end nor can its supply be depleted unless we allow a cap to be placed on our heart.

Instead of trusting the heart, religion depends on externals and it imposes a standard of obligation that’s impossible to keep. Therefore, we’re left feeling like we’re never good enough. No matter how much we read our Bible, we feel like we could have read it more. We spend an hour in prayer and we feel good until we read about the person who prays three hours a day, EVERY day. Then, the guilt sets in. It increases even more when we read about the person who fasts regularly and even does a 40 day fast EVERY year. Stories about believers who have been imprisoned or killed for their faith while we struggle with our 9:00-5:00 jobs make us feel uncommitted.

Those unfair comparisons rob our hearts of life and cripple us.

I love the description of God as a potter. A potter is an artist, a craftsman. He takes an ugly lump of clay and, out of it, he fashions a thing of beauty . . . a one of a kind piece of pottery. There is no other vessel exactly like it nor will there ever be.

It’s the same with us. We’re God’s unique creation. We’re one of a kind because there never has been anyone else exactly like us nor will there ever be.

Religion, however, takes our uniqueness and destroys it. It produces a group of cookie cutter Christians who follow the external rules of behavior instead of following the promptings of their newly created hearts. The truth is that a cap has been placed over their hearts and God’s life can no longer flow the way he intended.

In order to be fully alive, we have to break free and recover our good and noble heart. Until we do, we’ll continue to believe that our hearts can’t be trusted thereby effectively silencing God’s method of guidance in our lives. The truth is the Holy Spirit lives in us so we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do or what not to do since He is always available to teach us and to guide us.

Recently in a conversation with a friend, I told her that I don’t feel like I need to go to church anymore. She said, “So you think you know everything?” She caught me off guard and all I could think to say was, “No but I don’t think the man talking knows everything either.” Looking back at that conversation, I now think the correct response should have been, “Yes! I do know everything because God is in me and he knows everything. What I now need to do is re-connect with my heart so that I can know what he knows.”

I believe we’ve really under estimated what this new life should look like and it’s time that we change the way we view our hearts. We need to believe the truth about our good hearts and protect them at all cost from the lies that tell us that we’re not good enough.

OUT OF THE DEPTHS

2010-08-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

My friend, Windblown1, has once again allowed me to post more of her story. I've posted it here just as she wrote it in her journal. I'm sure those of you who have been victimized in an abusive church will be able to relate to the emotions she's expressed. I hope her writings will bring comfort and hope to those who are still hurting.

~~Musings From Inside The Walls~~8/31/95~~

I wrote this in my journal during a very difficult time in my life. There was lots of turmoil and the Lord was teaching me how to live in the reality of "Christ in me the hope of glory." I was more concerned with pleasing people than being open and honest.

Today, I have much more revelation and understanding of "living" from that deep place. It is such a place of rest and peace. It is a place of "living loved" and living in the awareness of His presence all the time.

OUT OF THE DEPTHS

Deep calls unto deep in my spirit.

This longing deep, deep within me.

To be heard, to be understood, to be listened to and not judged.

Oh, the joy of having a relationship like that with someone.

My heart longs to know You, Lord, to hear you speak to me.

You have called me to be one who knows You and Your voice.

The trials of my life harden my heart to You,

And muffle my hearing and ability to sense your nearness.

How can I stay in that place of openness to You?

What would you say to me if we were walking together

And I was able to open up and express the depths of my heart to you?

How would You answer the cry of my spirit?

“My child, My beloved child, your heart is shrunken by lack of love and caring in your life.

I long for you to know that you are filled with my Love and Life.

You shall always have things in this life that distract from My communion with you,

but keep coming to Me, I can and will help you sort out and bring light on all that concerns you.

Do you remember all those years when you heard My call, when I drew you by My Love?

Do you remember the first words I spoke to you, calling you one who knows Me and My voice?

For many years you have not walked in that place of hearing and knowing Me.

You listen and strive to please man and you have shut off the flow of My Voice to you.

But I am bringing you back into communion with Me. That is from where your strength and life will come.

The depression, the loss of your “self” is because you allowed things to interrupt our communion together.

In My teachings, I call My people friends, I speak of intimate relationship, but very few have the revelation of Me and My amazing Gift, to actually live in that place with Me.

My people are very religious, talking about scripture but never finding the entrance to that Life about which the scripture speaks.

I want you to know Me experientially, not just read about Me or hear others tell you what I am like.

You don’t like your life presently but if you yield to Me and allow me to speak to you, you will someday look at this as a most fruitful time.

You live too close to the surface.

As in the sea, the waves roar and crash, rage and foam near the surface, but out in the depths, way, way down–all is still and tranquil.

This is where I would have you live. In the depths of your being.

That is where I dwell, that is where you will find Me.

That is where you will hear the still, small voice.

If you learn to stay there, nothing will be able to move you.

I am taking you deeper.”

Windblown1

The freedom to relax

2010-08-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

I recently heard Sarah Jacobsen say on a God Journey podcast that we've been given the freedom to relax and that comment immediately captured my attention. For years, I was on a religious treadmill trying to fill every moment of every day with spiritual activity. Reading multiple chapters of my Bible every day whether I felt like it or not just so I could check it off my to-do list. Struggling with prayer yet trying to force myself to pray at least an hour a day, especially in tongues. Going to meeting after meeting after meeting, conference after conference after conference and still no closer to God.

It was only after I had heard and understood the message of God's grace that my life started to change. It was only after I understood that God's love for me is unchanging that I gave myself freedom to relax and enjoy life. I no longer felt the need to try to earn God's love and attention because I now knew that it was mine simply because I'm his daughter.

When I wrote this post, I was sitting on the back porch of Harbor House, a bed and breakfast in Georgetown, South Carolina, which is situated on the Sampit River. As I sat on the swing, I watched the movement of the Sampit River as it flowed past the yard. The fishing boats were docked and ready to head out to sea. The sea gulls were flying overhead as the wind blew causing the colonial flag to wave gently in its breeze. As I sat on the porch swing, I could hear the soft gurgle of the fountain that was just a few feet away.

Life was peaceful and, as I relaxed in the beauty of his creation, God's presence was more real in a way it had never been in all of the hectic activity that I used to be caught up in. Learning to relax is a freedom that I've come to enjoy. Sitting in his presence aware of the sights and sounds that surround me is a special gift that I've come to appreciate and enjoy.

At one time, I would have thought that sitting quietly and relaxing was a waste of time. I felt that I always needed to be busy doing something for God. I used to divide my life into two separate compartments - the spiritual and the natural - with the natural part of my life being inferior to the spiritual. However, as I've come to know how God has created me, I've come to understand that I'm a spiritual being so whatever I do is spiritual. Now that I understand and am living in that reality, my life is coming into greater wholeness.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm free to sin all I want. That's foolish. God hates sin and so should we. However, it does mean that I'm now free to join him in whatever he's doing at the moment. Since my days are no longer filled with hectic activity, I'm now able to hear the quiet gentle nudges of my heart as God shows me where and with whom he wants me to be involved in that moment. At times, it may be listening to someone share their story and encouraging them as they struggle through the brokenness of their life. At other times, it might be heading off to Lowe's with my husband when I'd much rather stay home and do something "spiritual." As I've given myself freedom to relax, I'm more peaceful and what I do is now more effective because I'm doing what I know God wants done in that moment rather than following my own hectic plans.

Monday was my birthday and I'm now 64. Recently, I was speaking to a friend about getting older and she said that we're at the age where we no longer want to waste time. Instead, we want to make every minute count. Looking back, I feel like I've wasted a lot of time that I'll never be able to recover.

Today, my life may seem wasteful to others who are still caught up in a frenzy of activity. However, I'm learning that it's okay to relax and I've decided that this is the only way I want to live. Now, I'm free to be like the wind, free to blow wherever I choose and to change direction as needed.

The will of God is not a mystery

2010-07-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

I just read an excellent article by Frank Viola entitled “Rethinking the Will of God.” For many years, I agonized over trying to figure out what God’s will was before making a decision and then, when the decision was made, I worried that I might have made the wrong decision. I finally received peace when I came to understand that God is able to lead me even when I can’t follow. He knows what I’ll decide in every situation before I make my decision and he’s already taken all of that into consideration. So, I can just make a decision knowing that if I’m heading in the wrong direction, he will correct me. Since then, making decisions have become easier and definitely less stressful.

For most of the decisions we make on a regular basis, there really is no right or wrong. Most of our decisions can best be described as wise or unwise. It’s up to us to simply decide what’s the best decision for our particular situation after weighing all of the possibilities. Decisions like where to live, what job to take or even who to marry are up to us to decide. God speaks to us through our hearts and he puts desires in our hearts so now I can be confident that as I follow those desires, I’ll be okay. If I do happen to make an unwise choice, God doesn’t abandon me. Instead, like any loving parent, he’s there to help me work through the consequences of my poor choice.

In the “The Purpose Driven Life” podcast with Darin Hufford and Robert Ramos, Darin says that when he’s asked how he knew he was called into ministry, he answers that he just wanted to do it. I believe that’s the way we’re supposed to make the decisions of our lives. What is it we want to do? That’s basically what I’ve done when faced with a decision. I started blogging because I wanted to. I moderate the Free Believers Network forum because I want to. I started doing volunteer work at a hospital because I wanted to. There are other things that I want to do and I’ve begun making plans to put them into action at a future date. I’ve never prayed about any of it. I just weighed the possibilities, looked into my heart and then decided.

Darin also said that when he didn’t want to do something anymore, he stopped doing it. He said that he had at one time started a ministry to men because he wanted to and, when he didn’t want to do it any longer, he stopped. That’s pretty much the way I’ve been doing things. I believe our lives go in seasons and we need to look at everything we do as a season in our life that is subject to change. At one time, I was very heavily involved in the church that meets in a building and I served in several different capacities but, a number of years ago, the season changed. Since I recognized when the season changed, I made the decision to move into the new season. Now, what I do is primarily online.

In the past, I found it difficult to recognize the changing seasons and I tended to stay in the old season longer than I should have. Timing is very important and it’s easier now for me to pick up on the signs that the season may be changing. I recently began to sense that a season of my life may be on the verge of changing but now doesn’t seem to be the right time to make the change so I’ll just wait and see what happens.

I really have come to believe that knowing God’s will isn’t difficult as we’ve all been taught. How much sense does it make for God to hide his will and then get angry with us when we can’t figure it out? That really is ridiculous in my opinion. He’s not an unreasonable tyrant who wants to keep us off balance. He wants us to know his will so he’s made it simple for us to figure out.

I believe there are basically two questions that we need to consider before making decisions. The first question is what do we want to do? God is not an abusive Father. He doesn’t get pleasure in making us do what we don’t want to do. If he wants us to do something, then he’ll give us a desire to do it or our desires will change and we’ll start hating what we’re currently doing and that’s our cue to know that it may be time to make a change.

We also need to ask ourselves if the decision we’re about to make expresses love. If it’s hurtful to others or unloving, then we need to seriously think if it’s something that we should be doing. After all, the flesh is also involved and it wants to do things that we shouldn’t do. The flesh sound so much like us that it’s hard to tell the difference. However, the flesh isn’t us, it’s a foreign entity that’s in us that uses our thoughts to deceive us. That’s why we need to consider love before making a decision. For example, I like to sleep a little late on weekends but when my three year old grandson is staying with us and decides to get up at 7:00 in the morning. The flesh says stay in bed but love says get up and make sure he’s okay.

God is calling us to be mature and mature people make decisions. They don’t need anyone to always be telling them what to do. When my three year old grandson stays with us, I have to tell him when to eat and when to brush his teeth or else those important things wouldn’t always get done. However, I allow his father to make those decisions for himself. When he was a young child and still at home, my husband and I made decisions for him but now he’s a man with a family of his own and he has to make his own decisions. Sure, there are times that we cringe at the decisions that he makes but it’s still his responsibility to make the decision. We can make suggestions and help in the processing but it’s still his responsibility to make the decision and we would be considered controlling parents if we tried to make those decisions for him. However, if he ends up making an unwise decision, we’ll still love him and help him work through the process of correction.

God is a wise loving Father. He’s given us all we need to make wise decisions. He’s given us a new heart which is filled with his life and wisdom and he’s also given us the freedom to explore new avenues of life but he’s promised to never leave us or forsake us so he’ll always be there no matter what we decide. Religion has kept us in an infantile stage where we’re afraid to make decisions but the day will come when God will no longer make our decisions for us. So, it’s time for the church to grow up, start trusting our new hearts and start deciding for ourselves.

To read Frank Viola’s article, follow this link and to hear Darin Hufford’s podcast, follow this link.

This Side of the Cross

2010-07-25T18:02:00.000-07:00

I was recently invited to become a contributing author on the "This Side of the Cross" website. I'm excited that this door has opened for me to share my writings on a more widespread basis and I hope you'll visit me there as I continue to share about God's love and grace on "This Side of the Cross."

There are a number of contributing authors with a wide diversity of thoughts and beliefs who post on this site. I'm sure you'll find something posted there that will encourage you on your journey to grow in God's love and grace.

Understanding leadership

2010-07-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

"When you're no longer trying NOT to become something, you will be on the road to TRUE freedom."

Darin Hufford said this during his podcast, “A Whole Other Animal.” I think we can so easily fall into the trap of wanting to be free, that we even throw out those things that are legitimate. For example, he and Aimee Dassele discussed leadership. Once we leave the institutional world with its over emphasis on leadership, we tend to want to throw out the whole concept and do away with leaders. Well, the book of Judges in the Bible is filled with examples of what happens when there are no leaders. As the author of that book of the Bible said, “Everyone did what was right in their own eyes” and the result was chaos and lawlessness.

Because leadership has been misused in the institutional church, it’s become a dirty word for those who have moved away from the institutional forms of church. This is understandable, however, the truth is that God has established leaders in the church but, as was stated in the podcast, leadership is meant to be organic. Leaders were never meant to be the ones who lord it over the regular members because they’ve gone to seminary or have been ordained. In the church, I believe the purpose of leaders is to draw out the life of God that has been deposited in the hearts of those they lead. I was glad to hear Darin admit that he’s a leader because I believe he fits this picture.

When the early church appointed leaders, I believe they were simply recognizing those among them who were already functioning as leaders. Leadership isn’t a job with a job description. It’s a function and leaders are leaders even when they don’t have a job title. Leaders are easily recognized because … they lead! It’s a natural function of who they are and, in a casual setting, they may not even know they’re leading yet people are being influenced.

My husband, who is a leader, has served on several juries and each time, the other jury members have recognized his leadership abilities and he’s always been chosen to be the foreman of the jury. I’ve only been on one jury but, when it came time to pick our foreman, we knew exactly who to pick. He hadn’t done anything spectacular to attract attention to himself but, through the course of normal conversation, his leadership abilities were obvious.

Leadership was never meant to be static as it is in institutional groups. In any group, it should change from person to person depending on the circumstances and the needs of the group at that time. Any time there’s a group, leadership will naturally evolve. I think the TV program “Lost” is a good example of that. When the flight crew was killed in the crash, leadership arose among the passengers and it would often change depending on the need at the time. In my family, leadership often changes too. There are some areas of life where I’m totally clueless and I depend on my husband to make the decisions for us but there are other areas that are mine to decide and he pretty much goes along with my decision.

Recently, my husband and I had a fascinating conversation about leadership and he explained to me what makes a leader a leader. As he explained it, a leader is a visionary who inspires others with his vision. Darin Hufford in my opinion definitely is a visionary. He had a vision for the Free Believers Network long before it came to pass and he held onto it even when it looked like it would never become a reality. Another good example of a visionary is William Wallace in the movie “Braveheart.” He had a vision of freedom for his people and he so inspired his fellow tribesmen with that vision that they were willing to go to war against England, a super power of that day. His vision was so powerful that even his death couldn’t keep it from coming to pass and another leader arose who took that vision and led the people to freedom.

My husband also explained that, although a leader may have a vision, they usually lack the skills needed to bring that vision to pass so even the most compelling vision will die if there’s no one to take it beyond the visionary stage. Therefore, managers are needed. Managers have the ability and skills needed to take a leader’s vision, administrate it and bring it to pass. Leaders and managers are meant to function hand in hand, however, insecure leaders will often refuse to give authority to managers thereby effectively sabotaging and destroying their own vision.

My husband’s insight into the heart of a leader gave me another piece of the puzzle which helped me to understand how God has uniquely created me. I’ve known for some time now that I have administrative abilities. The confusion for me was due to the fact that leadership books tend to lump everything together and label it all leadership. However, by separating the managerial aspects from the visionary aspects of leadership, the role of leadership became more clear to me and I understood my place in the big picture.

In the institutional church, leadership training has become a big issue and is widely promoted. The result being that everyone wants to be a leader. While it’s true that we all have a unique set of gifts that will benefit the other members of the church, few are gifted as leaders or even managers for that matter. The truth is neither leaders nor managers are more important in the church, however, both are needed if the church is to move forward. We need leaders who are functioning as leaders and managers who are functioning as managers.

A true leader inspires hope where there is no hope and, despite all odds, the impossible becomes possible and the unattainable becomes attainable. In the Bible, it’s said that without a vision, the people perish. Although there seems to be a lack of leadership in the church as well as in the world, in my opinion, we desperately need the inspiration that only a leader can bring. So, as we learn to live free in Christ, let’s also recognize those leaders among us and allow them to inspire us with the vision that God has planted in their hearts.

"My Journey Out of Oz"- Freedom From A Spiritually Abusive Church

2010-07-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

My friend, Windblown1, has agreed to let me share her story of God’s amazing grace as he set her free after spending almost 30 years in a spiritually abusive church. Here’s her story in her own words.

~~~FREE~~~
My STORY

Six years ago, May 2004:
I had made my decision to leave, through MUCH turmoil and fear.
I was alone in the house, trying to get my mind to focus on the practical issues of my decision.
In an overwhelming rush of emotion, an explosion of pent up anger, frustration, fear and disillusionment burst forth from me and I began to SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREEEEEEEEEEEEAM--on and on for a very long time. If someone had been in the house at the time, they would have taken me to the emergency room for treatment.
But I was alone~~~~
I fell to the floor by my bed and from deep in my spirit I began to say, “The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not want, He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He restores my soul.”
Peace began to come~~
When I got up from the floor, I was ready to take the step that would lead me to life “outside the walls.”
MY JOURNEY OUT OF OZ
I call it “My Journey Out of OZ” because after I was out, and the curtain began to be pulled back, I was to realize that the “Power” that I so feared and submitted to, was only in my mind. A false illusion taught and nurtured by a system that thrives on power, manipulation and control.
But at that time, I only saw the works of one person, our pastor.
It would be a long time before I would realize that the whole system was rotten.
The journey began some 31 years ago.
A farm wife with 3 children who loved to garden, can food, and take care of her home.
A woman who married right out of high school.
A woman who had a DEEP hunger for God in her soul.
A woman searching for the missing piece to herself, for wholeness.
I had gotten involved in New Age, filled myself with the teachings in my search for Truth. I was not raised in a Christian home, but in those days I think we all thought we were Christians because we were Americans.
One day my friend, who was on this spiritual quest with me, told me she had met someone who taught Bible studies and this woman was willing to teach us.
We were so excited, finally we were going to find Truth!
We started the Bible study with 4 ladies in a kitchen. The woman teaching us was an excellent teacher and filled with the power of God. I never had known anyone who knew the Bible like she did and taught with such authority. ( I question this now, but then, to a “babe” in Christ, so hungry, like a baby bird, I hung on her every word.) Plus, she would pray for us and there was such “power” that we were just astonished!
People began to hear about what was happening, such excitement. Before long we outgrew the home Bible studies and started meeting in a church.
The Bible study group grew larger than the congregation of the church where we were meeting.
Our teacher said that God told her to start a church--- so we started meeting in a home on Sunday mornings. Over 80 people gathered together as a charismatic church. Very quickly we outgrew the home and rented a building.
When we outgrew the rented building, we were finally able to buy a building, which everyone worked together to remodel and make into our home church.
Eventually we grew to around 450 people (in a very small community) had a Bible school, a pre-school through high school academic school, plus a daycare.
We believed we were the exemplary model of a New Testament church!
I GAVE IT ALL~~~~FOR THE SAKE OF THE “CALL.”
About eight years after the church began, my husband of 28 years, who was opposed to my involvement with the group, divorced me to marry another woman.
We had three children, one of them a son, who was married and the other two lived with me at home. My daughter was about 22 and my other son was a young teenager.
I had never held a job outside our home, having married directly out of high school.
Life as I had known it was over.
I began to do the only thing I knew how to do, which was clean houses. The pastor hired me to clean the church and I struggled to find myself in this new life that I had been thrown into.
The thing that helped me the most at this scary, but in some ways, exhilarating time of my life, was the Lord and being a part of such a strong and supportive church family. I felt surrounded, loved and cushioned from the problems of adjustment that I faced.
The pastor began to take an interest in me and began to ask me to go with her on trips and gave me a job as secretary of the academic school. I had no former experience, was allowed to learn “on the job.”
God was truly taking care of me.
Little did I know that I was a “prime” candidate for the message that was in the charismatic/Pentecostal. Prophetic words were a part of our lives~~we believed God still speaks today and we “lived” for the “word of the Lord” to flow through people to us~~especially the “prophets” who spoke to our church on a regular basis.
Our pastor was a prophetess, everyone hung on her every word and believed she truly heard from God for her “flock.” Of course we were encouraged to “hear” for ourselves, but all revelations and directions we might receive from the Lord had to be given to her to be “judged” before acted upon.
Many time she would say, “I don’t witness to that” and that would settle it. There was a fear that if we went against her council, we were in great danger of being “out of God’s will.”
It was in this climate that I began to build my new life. It was filled with hope and destiny. God had brought one chapter of my life to fruition to begin a life that was to equip me to fulfill my “DESTINY.”
I was told through a prophetic word from the pastor that I had fulfilled my role as “mother” and God wanted to take me to the next stage of my “DESTINY.”
She said I was not to “abandon” my children, but my focus was to be what God wanted to do in my life NOW.
Not too long after this was spoken, she had a “dream” and she saw a puzzle (the puzzle was her) and there was a hole and God put a piece in that hole and it was me.
Because of that “vision”, the prophetic words and because I agreed with it, I moved into her house, leaving my young teenage son with my daughter.
Destiny was calling me~~~~~
She said that I was to be her “intercessor” and traveling companion/personal assistant. (In reality I was more like a servant, doing any and all jobs that needed to be done around the ministry. I never knew what I would be doing from day to day, which kept me in a state of vulnerability, because if I didn’t “do” something I should have “known” to do, I was chastised by a tongue lashing or by being totally ignored and dismissed.)
In later years, I did become more of an assistant/traveling companion to her, and she trusted me.
This was “heady” stuff for me---I believed I was her “Elisha” and when I had been trained, drained and perfected, I would “receive” the “double portion” of her anointing.
This is where the story gets bizarre and very difficult to write. The reason is that there are so many layers of circumstance, and some VERY weird “spiritual” factors that made up my life for the next 15 years.
My daughter has chronicled many of the things that we experienced in great detail.
She joined the church about two years after I did. She was in her early 20’s and never been exposed to any kind of spiritual training. She felt the drawing of the Lord, though, and gave her heart to Him. She did and still does love Him with all her heart.
The pastor took an immediate interest in her and made her the church administrator. My daughter experienced some troubling situations almost from the beginning, which included control and belittling, and she quit in less than a week. We all experienced an almost suffocating heaviness and anxiety, so my daughter, fearing she had stepped out of God’s will went back.
She was there about thirteen years and became the pastor’s “right hand” man, the assistant pastor, being groomed to become pastor when the pastor left to fulfill her “apostolic” call. (Of course, she could never release any authority to anyone. All people on staff had LOTS of responsibility without any authority. Everything had to go through her. Even when she was traveling out of state or out of the country, the phone and email were ALWAYS the first things that were set up or gained access to.
In about her eleventh year my daughter met a man that the pastor approved of and they got married. Thus began a war of loyalty for my daughter between the pastor and her husband. Crisis after crisis. Crazy, bizarre situations that were impossible for my daughter to deal with. She had been taught “total” obedience to pastor, now her husband saw the control and was not putting up with it. Long story short, he took my daughter and they left town and never came back.
For over seven years I did not speak to my daughter or see her. She had two miscarriages, and I did not call or send her a card. I said to the pastor, “ I would like to send L. some yellow roses to let her know that I am thinking of her” and she said, “Do it and you are “OUT OF HERE.”
I didn’t do it!
Fear is a strong motivator, the need for security and a place of ministry, proved to be even stronger than my love for my daughter.
Of course, I had been told that she was “the enemy” married to the son of “satan.” I grieved that she had “broken covenant” and was now an “infidel” to us.
The years after my daughter left were in many ways “the best of times and the worst of times.” In some ways for me, because I had proven my loyalty to her, we became more like friends and sisters at times. She confided in me all her anxiety with “spiritual warfare,” trying to “grow” the church and keep people in their “places.”
We all had a “spiritual place” that we had to occupy or she would know “by the spirit” and we would be railed upon for sometimes hours at a time or “put outside the camp” until we became cleansed and were back in our “place.”
One of the greatest fears was not being in our “place.” Of course, one could never know what that meant, only SHE could discern it. It was usually better to stay close to her, then you could monitor her moods and “spiritual” insights. When I was allowed to visit my younger son or other family members, I would always be sent out of the house to get” that spirit” off of me and get back into my place before I could be in her good graces again. I couldn’t even bring gifts that my son gave me into the house because of the “family” spirit attached to them. Many times I threw his gifts away or carried them around in the trunk of my car.
Because of that “curse,” my daughter and I had to get rid of everything from our past. Furniture, jewelry, anything and everything from my mother and life. I even threw away diamond rings because of the “warfare” that surrounded them.
When my daughter went on her honeymoon, after 3 days all hell broke loose because “she (my daughter) should have “known” by the “spirit” that she was needed at the church. When she did return, she was not spoken to and the ushers sat her in a pew with the other members, like she wasn’t even recognized. CRAZY, CRAZY stuff. All designed to manipulate people into submission.
I ran away three times in the beginning, and the last time, I thought the “heavy hand “ of God was on me so strong that I couldn’t breathe for a week. I thought I had “left” God’s perfect will and that life for me was over.
At the end of the week, after my lying on the floor and repenting and confessing my rebellion to God, she said God had opened the “place” back up, so I could come back.
This is just a thumbnail sketch of some of the things we experienced in the name of God, under the mantle of the charismatic/Pentecostal “covering.”
She was our ”apostle.” She was exalted by prophets and apostles that we were in fellowship with. She was given an honorary doctorate. So she became Dr. not just pastor/ apostle.
One prophetess told us that we were to honor her by bringing gifts to the altar, because the prophetess heard the Lord say that our pastor was going to marry.
So for a couple of weeks, people came with lavish, beautifully wrapped gifts of lingerie, perfumes, clothing and jewelry and put them on the altar.
Of course, she has never married, and still nobody wants to question the prophetic abuse that is so prevalent in the apostolic/prophetic camp.
I believe it is no better than spiritual “witchcraft” and fortunetelling.
We had prophets come and have us line up and declare our loyalty and allegiance to her. I am talking of over 400 people~~ good, honest, God believing people.
After the church imploded, many of these same leaders said they knew there was control but knew it wouldn’t do any good to confront it.
So for almost 30 years, I lived and breathed these teachings and ways.
Towards the end, I was beginning to be separated by being sent to Poland for several months at a time. etc. She seemed to know that things were shifting with me because she got very insecure and the last 3 years with her were “hell on earth.”
Things began to unravel at the church. The leadership actually started talking (something that is absolutely forbidden--”touch not mine anointed”)
And we all began to whisper, the “emperor has no clothes!”
Truth began to replace the lies, speaking our hearts began to replace the silence that protected the corruption.
A shaking began to take place that ended up removing almost all the leadership and most of the people. All that remained was the money given in good faith to build our “new, bigger and better building” for our Regional ministry. Plus, all the land and buildings owned by the church, purchased by a loyal, trusting congregation.
The people who are still there, have all that remains. They just went through the 2nd split recently and I believe there are only about 25 people left to carry out the “amazing destiny” that was prophesied over the place. But some diehards still think that if you have enough “faith” you cannot fail.
But the foundation is rotten and it is only a matter of time until it all disappears back into the earth (man) from which it was formed.

　
~~~ON EAGLES WINGS~~
Back to where I began this history of my journey.
I am ready to walk out the door. I even had a “vision” of a door opened for me to walk through.
I read these words in a devotional the night before I was to leave:
“So go forth today in great faith, My child. There are rivers which you must cross. As you dip your foot in the waters that would hinder you from obeying my will, behold, the waters will part and you shall cross over on dry ground to safety, to new land, to new experiences.
Begin to move NOW! And you shall rejoice at the great and might victory which shall surely be thine.”
I wrote in my journal:
“Today I step through a new door. The chapter is finished, the book has been completed.
Today, a fresh page, a new beginning.
Volume two of the “Saga of the Servant of the Most High God.”
I stepped out of the door, locked it behind me. I left in a borrowed car, with only my clothes and books. No home, no family, no future (that I could see.)
But as I stepped out, it was as if I was lifted by “eagles wings” and taken forth into my new life.
I felt as if I had been “flung” into the air and the very Hand of God caught me and has never let go of me.
I have abundance in all things. My relationship with my daughter and family has been restored. My daughter opened her home and arms to me and treats me with such honor and love. God is healing us all~~ Little by little.
I have much more to write about the process of the renewing of my mind from the “religion” and much more to say about His “Amazing Grace.”
I will probably spend the rest of my years digesting and dissecting all that happened in our lives.
But for now, all I can say is ~~Thank You~~ To My Faithful God!!

Written in my journal May 15, 2004:
“Let the rejoicing begin~~
The birds are singing,
The leaves of the trees are waving,
The brooks are bubbling.
The whole earth is filled with the Glory,
Filling the atmosphere with praise.
To the Creator,
To the One who is over all~~
Oh, how I worship You,
Your majesty!!
Open my eyes to see more of You,
May my life be a mirror of Your Life.

June 16, 2004
The prison doors have been flung open~~WIDE
Run, Run to the place of refuge
Provided by the Lord.
Feel the wind in your face
The warmth of the sun on your head.
The weight of the shackles are gone
The restrictions of the freedom of my feet are released.
FREE, FREE
The most beautiful word
FREE, FREE
Jesus set us free!
I will run and not be weary
I will leap and rejoice!
Like the calves let out of their stalls
This is the hour that the Sun of Righteousness arises
With healing in his wings
Because I fear His name~~~

windblown1

Thoughts on freedom

2010-07-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

“Freedom isn't free... It always costs us something”

Mike Myers posted this comment on the FBN Facebook page. What a great thought!

Freedom is costly. Our freedom cost God his son and, if we've chosen to live free in God's grace, we’ve paid a price too. It’s cost all of us some friendships as well as some family relationships and, it’s cost some of us, careers and jobs. As I thought about freedom, it occurred to me that if we’re not careful, freedom can also be taken from us. There’s a world out there that’s bent on stealing our freedom if we let it.

That reminds me of one of Darin Hufford’s stories about Brownie, a pet hamster that he had as a child. One day, Brownie got loose and was missing for a couple of weeks. When they finally found him and tried to pick him up, Brownie stood on his hind legs, snarled and tried to bite them. He had experienced freedom and wasn’t going to let anyone cage him again. Darin ended the story by saying that if anyone tried to put his listeners back in bondage, he wanted them to stand up and be the meanest, nastiest hamster anyone had ever seen.

That’s my hope too, that we'll never let anyone take our freedom away. Those of us who have come to understand the freedom that we have in Christ must be diligent to protect that freedom so that it’s not lost. Whatever it takes, it's worth the cost.

America

2010-07-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

Freedom is costly. May we hold onto it as the precious gift that it is.

Happy 4th of July, America.

Recover Your Good Heart online webcasts

2010-07-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

Jim Robbins has written an excellent book entitled, “Recover Your Good Heart.” In it, he explains the truth about the good heart we’ve been given in Christ. He is now making available a live online webcast of the material from his book. Jim says, "I'll go deep into the material in my book - "Recover Your Good Heart - Living free from religious guilt and the shame of not good-enough." Jim is an wonderful teacher and I think this will be a great series which will bring freedom to many. For information, follow this link.

Registration is now open -- and ends Wednesday, July 7th.

In the Spirit

2010-06-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

“Our poor choices to live according to the flesh are not indication of our nature. Christians are new creations at heart, no matter how we choose to walk in a given moment. Christians are in the Spirit. But we choose to walk after the Spirit or after the flesh as circumstances hit us.” (The Naked Gospel by Andrew Farley: page 114)

We’ve all heard it said that Christians are just “sinners saved by grace.” While it’s true that we were saved by grace, once we believe in Christ’s work on the cross, we're no longer sinners. Yes! We do still sin at times but that has absolutely nothing to do with our nature. In Christ, we’re a new creation and we’ve been given a new nature which is now righteous and pure.

The problem isn’t that we still have a sin nature. The problem is the flesh which still wants to sin. The flesh is not us but it’s similar to a virus that’s in our bodies and gives us a disease called sin. As Andrew Farley said, we now choose whether we’re going to follow the Spirit or follow the flesh. However, we often make the wrong choice and choose to follow the flesh but that doesn’t mean that we have a sin nature. As believers, we’re ALWAYS in the spirit but, as free will beings, we can choose to follow the flesh and when we do, we sin.

Learning how to live out of our new nature is a growing process. While I don’t encourage anyone to sin, I think it’s important to just relax and not get stressed when we do sin. I think it’s wise to expect that it will happen and, when it does, deal with it, get over it and then forget about it.

Religion teaches us that we’re just old worms in the dust and that God turns his face away from us when we sin. The truth is in Christ, he came looking for us even in our sinful state. God’s love for us never changes and while he prefers that we not sin, he’ll NEVER turn his face away from us when we do. I believe a misunderstanding of God’s nature of love has caused us to hide from him when we sin rather than run to him.

Once we understand that Christ dealt with our sins on the cross and that we now have a new heart which is good and pure, we’ll be able to understand that we’ve been forgiven. God isn’t holding anything against us. He’s forgiven us so now we need to forgive ourselves and allow him to heal those broken places in our lives that cause us to follow sin instead of our new nature of righteousness and purity.

Dedicated to our grace community of bloggers

2010-06-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

While reading through my archives, I found this post that I had written over a year ago. Since then, our little grace community of bloggers has broken up and we’ve all pretty much gone our separate ways. Many of you have migrated to Facebook which doesn’t in my opinion lend itself to the closeness and intimacy we once had as bloggers so my participation there is rare. However, I’ve learned that life is full of changes and things don’t always remain the same.

I want to revisit this post because I love and appreciate all of you who were part of that blogging community. You were there when I needed you to be and you were all a source of hope and encouragement for me. I don’t know how many of you still read my blog but, if you do, I want you to know that I’m glad we were together for that season of our journey. So, this is dedicated to you.

Setting the Captives Free

2010-06-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

In 2008, I began to have a desire to share the message of God’s grace, so in January of that year, I started this blog, Forgetting the Former Things. Over time, I also began adding posts and resources directed at helping those who had been victimized by spiritual abuse. As that emphasis began to grow, it became obvious that my blog was becoming known as a resource for those seeking information about spiritual abuse. However, I also felt that those needed resources were getting lost among all of my other posts so in 2009, I decided to set up a blog totally devoted to spiritual abuse and that is how Setting the Captives Free was born.

Since that time, the blog sat with very little activity but now I sense that the time is right to begin developing it so I will be adding more material to it as the weeks progress. I will also continue to add posts regarding spiritual abuse to Forgetting the Former Things for those who prefer checking in here.

My hope is that these two blogs will be a source of hope and encouragement for my readers at whatever stage they may be in their journey.

Create in me a clean heart (?)

2010-06-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was digging around in my archived posts and found this post that I wrote over two years ago. I think the truths in it are something that we need to reminded of so I decided to post the link to it here. I hope this will be an encouragement to us to remember that we now have a good and noble heart which is clean and pure in God's sight.

The uniqueness of our creation

2010-06-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I discussed the book “Personality Plus” and what I was learning about the four different temperaments. As I said, being aware of and understanding the temperaments has really helped me to accept the way God created me. There’s a scripture in which the author states that he’s been “fearfully and wonderfully made.” I believe that’s also true in my life. No one has the same blend of character traits that I have. There’s only one of me and God has handcrafted me just the way he wants me to be. However, I can learn much from others who have similar personalities as well as from those who have different personalities.

When I first learned about the different temperaments, the friend who gave us the teaching used animals to describe the different characteristics. Sanguines were tigers, melancholies were owls , cholerics were bulls and phlegmatics were lambs. I immediately recognized the tiger aspects to my personality and became fascinated by the possibility of attempting to discern the personalities of various characters in the Bible. Of course, I’ll never know for sure but I do still have fun trying to figure it all out.

I soon understood why I was always so attracted to the apostle Peter. Being the most vocal member of the group, he was often putting his foot in his mouth which is something I can definitely relate to. Peter was also the most impetuous. He acted first and thought later. He was the only apostle who jumped out of the boat and walked on water. Of course, after he started to think about it, he immediately decided he had made a mistake and stopped believing it was possible. As a result, he started to sink and had to be rescued by Jesus. So, in my opinion, Peter is a classic sanguine with typical sanguine weaknesses but what an exciting person he was to be around and how much he was loved by Jesus.

In the Old Testament, Jephthah also comes to mind. He was a mighty warrior and, in a battle against the Ammonites, he promised God that if he was given victory he would sacrifice the first thing that came out to greet him when he arrived home. When he arrived home his only child, a daughter, was the first to come out to greet him. Jephthah, whatever were you thinking? Talk about having a problem with speaking without thinking first. Only a sanguine would make such a foolish promise without thinking about the possible consequences.

David, with his poetic gifting is, in my opinion, the best example of a melancholy. While he wrote some beautiful psalms of praise to God, others were dark and showed his depressed state. Only a melancholy could be joyous one minute and deeply depressed the next. That personality experiences the highs and lows of emotions and David, in my opinion, displayed those traits in the psalms that he wrote.

I believe Old Testament Joseph was also a melancholy. He was a dreamer and very introspective as are melancholies. Wherever he served, he excelled because he followed the melancholy motto, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.” Even as a slave, he refused to lower his standard of excellence. He would not budge even if it meant further imprisonment or death. A melancholy can never be satisfied with inferior work.

Nehemiah in the Old Testament, in my opinion, is the perfect example of a choleric. He had amazing organizational and leadership skills. When he arrived in Jerusalem, he spent some time examining the broken down walls, came up with a plan of action and immediately began implementing it. He organized everyone into work teams and motivated them to work. They had all been living there for some time and no one had been moved to repair the walls but when Nehemiah showed up, he immediately inspired them with his vision and they all began working. As the work proceeded, enemies came against them to stop the re-building of the wall but, like all cholerics, Nehemiah was fueled by opposition. There’s nothing like opposition to get a choleric going and no one was going to stop Nehemiah from achieving his goal. Throw obstacles in a choleric’s path and he or she will plow right through them without even slowing down and that's exactly what Nehemiah did.

Although circumstances had made Moses into an insecure and indecisive person, out in the wilderness, his true nature was being developed and he began to show the strong leadership abilities of a choleric. Who else could have organized several million people and held them together during a 40 year trek in the desert? After the people made a golden calf to worship, Moses came down from the mountain furious and the people knew they were in trouble. No one wanted to face the wrath of Moses so Aaron immediately began making excuses to try to protect himself. In choleric fashion, Moses sent the Levites out among the people and they killed 3000 of those who had sinned against God. To top it all off, he took the golden calf, ground it up into powder, scattered it on the water and made the people drink it. Only a choleric could intimidate several million people and make them drink contaminated water.

As an example of a phlegmatic, I think Andrew would be a good choice. He was eclipsed by his brother and was always hidden in the background and that’s exactly where phlegmatics prefer to be. Yet, in spite of the fact that he was never as up front, tradition tells us that he did some amazing things in his role as an apostle. When motivated, phlegmatics can rise to the occasion and show great strength and leadership ability.

Queen Esther also stands out in my mind as a phlegmatic. She was quiet and did what she was told. She didn’t like to make waves and her guardian Mordecai, a choleric, had to really push her to do something about the plot against her people. If he hadn’t, Esther would probably have just sat by and let it happen. It takes a lot to motivate phlegmatics. They’d much rather avoid action whenever possible. Her sweet gentle spirit, also characteristics of a phlegmatic, are what won her favor with the king and with his court.

In any group of people we’ll see the different personality traits manifested. Some will be upfront and talkative, others will be quiet and gentle, others will be forceful and take over and others will brood but create great beauty. The truth is to be whole people we need all of the personalities functioning. They all have their strengths and are best suited for specific jobs. I hope as you look at the various Bible characters that I’ve described you’ll see how God gifted each one to do the job they were called to do. Even though they all had weaknesses, they were given strengths that were needed to do the job they were given to do.

Sometimes we compare ourselves to others and wish we were like that person but God has put in each one of us the blend of characteristics to do whatever it is he’s laid out before us to do. I believe when we understand the four basic temperaments, we’ll live the life that God created us to live as we learn to enjoy the person that he created us to be.

Understanding our temperament

2010-06-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

For some time now, I’ve been fascinated with understanding what makes people tick. A number of years ago, I read Florence Littauer’s excellent book, Personality Plus, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Not only is the book informative but that gal is a hoot ... she's my kind of gal. She and I are both sanguines so I love her personality. Anyway, I found a website that offers a free personality/temperament test. If you haven’t ever taken one, I think you would enjoy knowing where you fall in the spectrum.

The link for the site is: http://www.oneishy.com/personality/

Additional information on the temperaments can also be found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Temperaments

My test results show that I’m Sanguine/Phlegmatic with the following breakdown:

Sanguine 70% (Strengths 15 and weaknesses 13)

Phlegmatic 18% (Strengths 3 and weaknesses 4)

Melancholy 8% (Strengths 1 and weaknesses 2)

Choleric 5% (Strengths 1 and weaknesses 1)

Understanding about temperaments has been valuable in helping me to understand who I am and how God has wired me. After learning about the four different temperaments, I now know that it's okay to lose my car in the parking lot. After all, sanguines tend to be forgetful.

Also, it's okay to decide to learn how to press flowers, immediately lose interest and years later, my husband throws away the flower press that has never again been opened. After all, sanguines get excited about new projects, start them and immediately lose interest.

Learning about the different temperaments has also helped me in my marriage and in other relationships. I now understand my husband better and know that he's not purposely trying to irritate me. He's just got a different primary temperament than I do.

Now, I know that when he goes shopping with me, it's okay for him to organize the shopping cart. I thought as long as the groceries made it into the cart I was doing okay even though some items were balancing rather precariously on top of other items. As far as I was concerned it was okay because at least they were all in there. However, when he's finished organizing the various items, the shopping cart could be the center fold picture in a Better Homes and Gardens magazine describing how the perfect shopping cart should look. But, it's okay because melancholies like things neat and orderly.

My husband loves photography and I’ve also learned that if he and I go anywhere so he can take pictures, I need to take a book and plan to find a comfy seat where I can read since I know I’ll be there a looong time while he focuses and re-focuses in order to get the perfect shot. After all, melancholies like to do things right and to do them perfect. Their motto is: “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”

Understanding the temperaments has helped me to see that God has created each one of us uniquely. None of us are alike and in many cases, someone's temperament may be the exact opposite of mine but that doesn't mean that they need to be fixed. Instead, I'm learning to understand each person's uniqueness and with that, comes love and acceptance which is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

Spiritual Abuse Recovery

2010-05-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

I was recently made aware of a new book that has been published and released. The author is Dr. Barb Orlowski and the title is "Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Dynamic Research on Finding a Place of Wholeness." The book is the result of Dr. Orlowski's research to understand "how Christians have gone from the devastating experience of spiritual abuse at their local church to a condition of spiritual restoration."

In the process of researching this topic, Dr. Orlowski has gathered data from interviews with those who have experienced spiritual abuse and have gone through the process of recovery. Although I haven't read this book yet, through my correspondence with Dr. Orlowski, I've come to appreciate her desire to see people set free and made whole.

Paul warned the Ephesian church that wolves impersonating sheep would come among the flock and deceive them. This has proven to be true as countless thousands of sincere believers have been victimized by abusive church leaders using a distorted interpretation of the Bible to hold people in bondage. Having a sincere desire to serve God, these believers are led to believe that their love for God is demonstrated by unquestioning obedience to their church leaders.

Spiritual abuse is the misuse of power and authority and, in abusive systems, followers become nothing more than slaves who are there to fulfill their leaders whims and desires. Some eventually grow tired of the control and constant abuse and leave the group. However, even though they've left, the journey to wholeness has just begun and it can be a long and painful one. During this time, the person needs to know that they're not alone in what they're experiencing and that wholeness is possible. I believe Barb's book can be a welcome resource as they navigate through the often turbulent process of healing.

To learn more about this book, check out her website.

Interview with Darin Hufford - video clip

2010-05-05T16:21:00.001-07:00

Darin Hufford is a close friend of mine whose understanding of God's heart has transformed my thinking and my life. I originally connected with his ministry over three years ago when I read his book "The God's Honest Truth." Since then, that book has been re-written and re-released as "The Misunderstood God." Because of the impact his ministry has had on my life, I'm always excited about sharing his teachings with my readers.

I recently found a video clip of a conversation with Darin that was posted on the "Recycle Your Faith" website. It's only about two minutes long but in that short time frame, Darin hits on some key truths about God's heart and what it means to live free in Him. I think you'll enjoy what Darin has to say.

To see the video clip, "Your Shirt is Green," follow this link. Darin also has a great website, The Free Believers Network, that I highly recommend. So, check it out and be prepared to have your beliefs challenged but I believe if you'll listen to what he has to say with an open heart, your life might forever be impacted as mine has been.

Just for Joel

2010-04-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

To honor a very special friend, I want to post the following video. To find out the background of why I would post this type of video, follow this link and read the shocking story of Joel's attempt to corrupt this prim and proper grandma.

So, Joel, this one's for you!

Were Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister

Maverick MySpace Video

The Truth About the Cross

2010-04-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

My friend, David House, is a former pastor who left the institutional church several months ago. He recently started his own website, "Our Father's Freedom," where he shares some wonderful truths about God's heart. One of his most recent posts is in my opinion a beautiful description of the cross as the antidote for the disease of sin. This truth has been hidden from the church and I'm thankful for men like David who are now bringing it out into the open.

I decided to post a link to it because I believe this is a message that the church needs to hear. I hope you'll read it with an open heart so that you don't miss the beauty of what Jesus accomplished on the cross for us. To read David's post, "The Father and the Cross" follow this link.

Love Always Perseveres

2010-04-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

When we think of love, we tend to think of the hearts and flowers type of love. That may be a part of love but, I’ve found that that kind of love won’t hold me steady during the hard times. Instead, I’m finding that I’m being challenged to love on a deeper level.

It's easy to say I love you when it's all wine and roses and good times but what about the times when life hits you with a bunch of lousy circumstances and the person you love doesn't behave in the way you want him to? It's in those times when love is tested and proven to be real.

Of course, I'm not talking about abusive behavior which should never be tolerated. However, in the normal circumstances of life, people will disappoint us. So, what do we do then? If we're like most people, we'll forgive but there's an invisible unstated line where we decide enough is enough and, when that person crosses it, love begins to die. However, now through my relationships, God is teaching me that love always perseveres.

I've always been a person who was easily hurt. I would internalize my hurt until I hit that invisible line, got fed up and that was it. Love for that person was dead and gone and, as far as I was concerned, that person was history. However, I'm now finding when I come up to that invisible line and think I've had it, love erases the line and I'm infused with a new dose of love and I can keep moving forward.

As I was writing this post, the song "I Only Want to Be With You" came on the radio. There's a verse in the song that seems to really go along well with my thoughts about love.

"I just want to be beside you everywhere

As long as we're together, honey, I don't care

Cause you started something, oh, can't you see

That ever since we met you've had a hold on me

No matter what you do, I only want to be with you"

Again, I want to emphasize, abusive behavior should NEVER be tolerated. However, in our day to day relationships, true love will say, "No matter what you do, I'll always love you."

Giving up expectations has been hard for me but I'm learning to make the decision that the relationship is more important to me than being right. Sometimes, when I've been hurt, it's a struggle to get to that place and it doesn't always comes easily. However, love will rise up again and strengthen me and I continue moving forward.

In his powerful book, "The God's Honest Truth," which has now been re-written and released as "The Misunderstood God," Darin Hufford says "The foundation of love is death." I'm finding that to be true. I'm finding that my expectations of how people should behave are starting to die but, out of that death, love is rising up and is being purified in me.

Love always perseveres and "if love does not persevere through the fire. IT IS NOT LOVE." (The God's Honest Truth)

So, here's Dusty Springfield encouraging us to let love persevere.

The Heart - An Organ of Relationship

2010-03-28T05:30:00.000-07:00

I've been very slowly reading through "The Heart's Code." This book was written by Dr. Paul Pearsall who, through his study of transplant patients, came to believe that the heart is more than an organ that pumps blood. He believed that the heart has memory and that it, not the brain, is the organ that is meant to determine how we relate to our environment as well as everyone and everything in our environment.

I found it interesting because I see this book, written by a medical doctor, as supporting my understanding that we are meant to be heart people with our brain working to support our heart. Religion has taught us that our hearts are deceitfully wicked and can't be trusted. However, that's an Old Testament teaching which is nowhere taught in the New Testament.

The truth is Jesus died to redeem our hearts so, in this New Testament era, we've been given new hearts which are now a reliable source of guidance. To be quite honest, I'm coming to believe that our new heart is actually the only source of guidance that we've been given since it's are now infused with God's life and Spirit and he can now direct us through its desires and promptings. He may provide other things to confirm those promptings but our source of guidance is now always meant to be our heart.

This book, while written in technical language, has many gems in it that confirm my understanding of the importance of our heart. I believe the following quotes from this book will encourage those who are seeking to once again connect with their good and noble heart.

1) The heart is an organ of connection and seeks interrelationship.

2) The heart seeks lasting connections, abhors disconnection, and cannot laugh when it is losing connection. Research shows that lack of humor and shared laughter is one of the earliest and most predictive signs of a failing relationship.

3) Through its energy, the heart draws other hearts to it and is drawn to other hearts. Unlike the brain's sardonic humor that can drive people away, healthy humor, the kind that leads to strengthened immunity, healing, and cardiovascular health, is "attracting humor" that narrows social distances.

4) The heart enjoys making other hearts "feel good." Healthy humor makes everyone feel better, but the brain's humor is often intended to disparage others to make itself look good.

5) Unlike the brain, the heart knows that it alone cannot be "the mind" but that together with the brain and body it forms a Mind of which it is a key part. By its nature, the heart is a partner seeking to "be a part of" rather than "in charge of." By contrast, the dominating brain's humor is often a "control device" it uses to assume superiority over other brains.

6) The heart loves and uses humor to express love. The brain's humor is often used to express its dislike of another person.

7) When the brain is quieted, the heart is free to laugh.

8) Those moments we are laughing the hardest are likely to be those when we are the most directly tuned in to our heart's code.

9) The word "silly" derives from the Greek "selig" meaning "blessed." There is something sacred in being able to be silly. Cardio-energetics teaches that it is healthy to be childish if childishness means re-enchantment with living and the ability to "get beside our cerebral self" to join hearts joyfully others.

10) The more you find yourself laughing at others, the more likely it is that you are dealing with the brain's code. The more you find yourself laughing with others, the more likely it is that you have tuned in to the heart's code and are receiving one of the most neglected presents our bodily system has to offer--a joyful, happy heart.

The truth about our new hearts has been hidden from us by faulty religious teaching. To learn more about our new hearts, I would suggest reading Jim Robbins' book, "Recover Your Good Heart," and Darin Hufford's new book, "The Misunderstood God."excellent books that wunderstanding the truth

Wild Thing (Not Meant To Be Tamed)

2010-03-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

When I did my re-post last night, it was late so I decided to just get it up there. This morning, I realized that Joel from Grace Roots has just recently done a series of posts that speak to the same topic. What he said goes along well with my post, "Wild children of a wild God." As always, Joel has some great insight so to read his posts, follow this link and this link and this link.

I think you'll enjoy what he has to say.

Wild children of a wild God

2010-03-19T20:02:00.000-07:00

I posted this in April 2008 and I wanted to bring it back up because I think this is still an important topic for us today.

In one of my previous posts, I said that I had asked Father what it means to be wild in my everyday life. As I thought about this, I realized that I had a picture in my mind of what I thought wild meant. The picture I had was of something that is frenzied, chaotic and out of control.

As I thought about Duma's journey back to the wild, I realized my picture didn't fit what I was seeing take place in his life. Dictionary.com defines wild as "living in a state of nature, not tamed or domesticated." That is what I believe we'll experience as we learn how to live in the wild. It'll be a return to living in our natural state as followers of Christ . . . the way God intended for us to live.

One of the first signs that Duma was returning to his wild state was that he began eating wild food. He wanted meat from an animal that had just been killed. When Xan tried to stop him, Duma snarled at him and Xan drew back. Duma was not going to allow anyone, not even someone he loved, to stop him. Tame food would never satisfy him again. No longer would he be satisfied eating Purina Cat Chow and table food. Only wild food will satisfy a wild cheetah.

When we start our journey back to the wild, we realize that the tame food of religious sermons no longer satisfies. We want the fresh meat of the word that comes directly to us from the Holy Spirit. We want the fresh meat that the Spirit speaks directly into our hearts.

I enjoy watching nature programs on television and I've noticed that wild animals like cheetahs and lions do not live lives of frenzied activity. Instead, their lives are characterized by intentional behavior that is instinctive. Most of their days seem to be spent lying down and enjoying the warmth of the sun. They also spend time grooming their fur. If they're proud parents, part of their day is spent caring for their young. Wildness, as we think of it, is seen only as they pursue their prey, kill it and then eat it. Yet, even this behavior is natural for a cheetah.

To live in the wild means to live in what is our natural state and to do those things that are natural for us. It doesn't mean frenzied, chaotic activity. For Duma, it meant that he would no longer live like a house cat but he would now do the things that are natural for cheetahs to do.

The same is true for us. As we journey back to the wild, we'll give up the artificial world of religion. We'll no longer live lives of programmed behavior being controlled by man's agenda. Instead, we'll be free to follow Jesus wherever he might lead each day. We'll be free to be who we are and to do those things which Father has created us to do.

Others may not understand and it may appear to them as though we're rebellious or heretical. However, this freedom is only an indication that we're living lives that are natural to followers of Christ. Religion may try to put us back in a cage but once we've tasted life in the wild, we'll never be able to go back to the constraints of religion again.

Looking for a safe place

2010-03-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

The Bible says that in the latter days people's hearts will fail them because of fear. This has proven to be true as we see fear all around us. Every day, we're bombarded with news telling us about the dangers that await us. Even the church has developed a fortress mentality as it waits for Jesus to sneak us out of this world in the rapture. So, instead of being the light of the world, we see a weak and struggling church which is making very little difference in the world.

This world is a dangerous place and there is much out there that is waiting to snuff the life and light out of the church. I believe that nothing much will change until we become oases of safety, places where people can be refreshed by the love of God. There's a song whose lyrics say, "What the world needs now is love, sweet love." That may sound very clique but it's true. The world is looking for an authentic display of love.

Unfortunately, much of the church has not proven to be places of safety. Even believers struggle to feel loved and accepted. There are exceptions but instead of being oases of love and acceptance, many churches have become places where people receive more wounding. Those who do struggle are made to feel guilty about their struggles.

Guilt is always followed by shame. So, Jesus came to free us from shame because he knew that shame separates us from God. It's not that God turns away from us but, in our shame, we put on our fig leaves and we hide from him. So, we'll never really be free until we can take off the masks of pretense and be who we really are, flaws and all. The church is supposed to be places where we can learn to do this, places where we're loved unconditionally by those who will help us walk through the messes of life to healing and wholeness.

I'm learning that in this life I'll never be perfect but I'm also learning to accept my humanness and that I'm okay the way I am. Those broken areas of my life where I struggle and just can't seem to get it together, I have to leave to God and allow him to bring healing. I believe as we learn to live freely in God's love and to accept ourselves, we'll then be able to accept others. Laying down expectations can be a real challenge but people want to be accepted without any strings attached. I believe it's critical that we become oases of safety where people are not afraid to be real because it's only through living authentically in this world that others will be made whole. As sappy as it may sound, the world really does need love because only where we feel loved do we feel safe enough to be real.

To get a picture of what these safe places look like, I believe these two books may be helpful: "Bo's Cafe" and "The Secret Life of Bees."

You might also want to read my two previous posts about safe places, "A safe place to heal" and "A safe place."

How Much Do You Know About Grace?

2010-02-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

My friend, Jim Robbins, posted a short quiz to find out what people know about grace. He asks some great questions and I thought I knew a lot about grace but a couple of the questions actually threw me off.

I took the quiz and it was a lot of fun to take but I also learned a lot. I'm going to post a link to his quiz as well as the answers and I hope those of you who read my blog will take it to see what you know. The answers may surprise you.

So, here's a link to his quiz and, after you've taken it, you can see the correct answers.

A Journey for the Hungry

2010-02-18T15:00:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was listening to The God Journey podcast entitled, "A Journey for the Hungry." The conversation was fascinating as Wayne shared his experiences during trip to Brazil and Brad shared his experiences during his trip to Nashville. During the conversation, Brad asked Wayne if he thought Jesus spoke in parables to hide truth or to reveal truth. Wayne answered and said that Jesus spoke in parables to reveal truth to those who were hungry and seeking to understand but he spoke in parables to conceal truth from those who weren't ready to hear it.

That conversation really started me thinking about Jesus' style of teaching and preaching. When speaking to the masses, he said what he had to say but didn't give a lot of extra explanation. If they asked, he gave them more but he didn't spend a lot of time discussing and debating. At times, he even said some outrageous things seemingly to offend those who didn't have ears to hear. They either got it or they didn't but he didn't try to convince them. He gave them freedom to not believe and he even let them walk away unconvinced without defending what he had said.

Paul, on the other hand, often entered into a debate with those who challenged him and he was aggressive in trying to convince them of his viewpoint. The modern church seems in my opinion to be overly enamored with the apostle Paul so I believe they've tended to adopt his style of teaching instead of Jesus' style.

I've come to believe that Jesus' style is more in line with the nature of God. I'm not trying to demean the apostle Paul but he was a man, imperfect as we all are, and was prone at times to be led by his flesh. In my opinion, he was a great man and we can learn much from him but he wasn't perfect and neither were all of his actions.

Sometimes in our enthusiasm to see others enter into the fullness of this life of grace, we become aggressive in trying to convince them instead of allowing them to receive this truth as they are able to. Some capitulate and agree even though their hearts are not fully convinced. The result is "believers" who don't really believe and, when the storms of life come, their faith isn't strong enough to hold them steady.

I'm fully convinced that Jesus' method of sharing as people are ready to receive is the most effective and the most compassionate. When we feel like we have to aggressively debate the gospel, I believe we show a lack of trust in God's love and in his ability to work in the heart of the person we're speaking to. The truth is he loves them more than we could ever love them and he shows it by giving them the freedom to reject him if they choose. It's a love that frees people from guilt and manipulation. It's a love that's real because it gives us the freedom to decide.

The story of the rich young ruler is a good case in point. When asked how to receive eternal life, Jesus told him that he needed to sell everything and give to the poor. Because he was still attached to his wealth, the rich young ruler walked away sad. Jesus didn't run after him and try to change his mind nor did he try to explain further. Instead, he just watched him walk away. Then, he gave more explanation to those who stayed.

Church tradition says that the rich young ruler was Barnabas who, later as a disciple of Jesus, became along with Paul an apostle to the gentiles. I don't know if this is true but this story does prove that truth has to be revealed in its own time.

Trying to force a newborn baby to eat solid food before he's ready is not only ridiculous but it's dangerous to the health of the child. His internal organs haven't developed enough to properly digest solid food. He's just not able to remove the nutrients needed for growth and to maintain health and, trying to force him before he's ready, could result in permanent damage to his digestive system.

Although it does help with numbers, attempting to force a decision from a person can cause similar damage to his spiritual well being. Darin Hufford has written an excellent post on this subject. I believe his post, Christian Preemies, clearly describes the damage done by this aggressive soul winning tactic.

The Butterfly Circus

2010-02-14T15:12:00.000-08:00

The link to this video was posted on Wayne Jacobsen's Lifestream blog. This is a beautiful story of love and grace. To introduce it, Wayne wrote:

"Someone sent me this link today and I was met with an incredibly inspiring movie of how believing a lie can devour our lives, and discovering the truth can transform even the most painful circumstances: The Butterfly Circus

I have no idea who is behind this, or what their intended meaning was. I can’t imagine that it wasn’t a redemptive portrayal. At least that’s how it resonated with me. This touched me far more than Avatar, for which I paid far more.

ADDED NOTE: I guess I do know these people. Just found out from Brad, my partner over at The God Journey that he is involved with the folks who made this movie and they are dear brothers and sisters with a passion to tell powerful stories of God’s work in the world. So, for those of you who think Brad and I share everything with each other, it’s pretty clear we don’t. I had never heard of this before today and am so blessed to find out that I’m only one degree of separation away from those involved… How cool is that?"

To Amy, a very special friend

2010-02-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

This song is dedicated to Amy who has been my friend for several years.

Amy’s an amazing woman with a huge heart of love. She encourages me and supports me in all that I do and she’s always there for me when I need to talk. I haven’t always let her know how much she means to me and what an important part of my life she is so I want to dedicate this song to her. She’s a very special friend and I’m so glad God has brought her into my life.

Amy, I love you and I’m glad you’re my friend.

Karen's story - part 2

2010-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

As I explained in a previous post, my friend Karen, sent me several private messages sharing her story. She had been a victim of spiritual abuse and has learned much as a result of having gone through that experience. I believe her story would be an encouragement to other so I asked her if I could post it here. Because of the length of the messages, I've decided to post them as a series, so here's part 2 of Karen's story.

"That’s the theoretical stuff. Now I want to talk about my own personal reactions and down-to-earth lessons. I am far from “healed,” so if some of these sound jaded or cynical, they probably are….

If you meet someone who hears from God all the time and presents themselves as spiritually sensitive or godly, run like hell. Especially if they want to “mentor you.” They’re either compensating for something and hiding some deep insecurities or they’re on a power trip which can be very subtle. A person can really exalt oneself and feed off the good feelings of “doing ministry” and become bad news without realizing it.

Be alert for addictive behavior like immersion in christian music, always seeking “more” from God, activities and mannerisms that make people appear as other than human or real--unapproachable, distant because they’re so into Jesus that they have no time or space for you. Ya can’t love God and not love those around you.

If you can’t talk about or question the unspoken cultural rules, mannerisms, or mass opinions, get out.

Trust your gut. If you’re feeling something that you can’t verbalize that makes you uncomfortable, listen and don’t dismiss it even if you can’t describe what you are uncomfortable about. Clarity on that will come later. If you’re feeling repressed, you are being repressed.

Don’t be surprised if your best friends suddenly ignore your existence.

If you have to go someplace to find God or God’s anointing, healing, or whatever, chances are it’s just another human activity and full of emotionalism and hype. Do yourself a favor and stay home.

Look out for dishonor and disrespect meted out to people who do not conform. Look for uniformity touted as “unity.”

If someone starts talking about “touch not God’s anointed”, get out.

Often there will be a brief time in a new group where there is more freedom than you’ve ever seen in a congregation. Watch for leadership to start talking about training people to operate in their gifts, or requesting that you go to a select group of people (an inner circle of “elders” or “more experienced people”) before being allowed to speak, or the beginnings of teachings about Jezebel spirits or spiritual authority. All or some of these indicators mean that the fun is over: someone feels threatened and needs to be controlling. When that happens, you may as well leave, because the initial freedom that drew you will never be allowed to return. It is classic bait and switch, and you will be left to jump hoops without ever getting to your destination of freedom of expression within the body. And you will be shut down.

Intellectualism may not foster spirituality, but neither does emotionalism.

Bondage is often disguised as freedom."

Our Father's Freedom

2010-02-04T03:51:00.000-08:00

One of the joys of my Alabama experience was the new friends that I made while there. One of these friends is David House, a former pastor who recently left the institution. A friend of Darin's, he had come Saturday night to hear Darin speak.

When I arrived, David and I immediately connected and we began sharing about our individual journeys. Wanting to spread the good news about our Father's love and to encourage others on their journeys, he told me he was planning to set up his own website.

I've been fortunate to have been involved since it was set up and I'm excited to be able to share with you David's new website. I hope you'll check it out and let him know what you think. I know you'll want to bookmark it for future reference.

So, here it is . . . Our Father's Freedom!

Pictures from Huntsville, Alabama

2010-01-24T13:40:00.000-08:00

As I stated in my previous post, my trip to Huntsville was absolutely wonderful! It was a great time to connect with friends that I've only known online and to make some new friends. Here are a few of the pictures we took while in Alabama.

From left to right here are Debbie, Carla, me and Eric. Debbie is the friend I rode to Alabama with. Carla and Eric were the ones who invited Darin to speak and they were also our hosts while we were there.

Amy, Eric and their children travelled from Texas to see me and Darin. Here they are with Darin and his oldest daughter, Landin. I've known Amy online for over three years but this was the first time we'd met. It was great to finally get to spend some face to face time with her and to get to know her family.

This is a special picture of me and Amy.

Here is Darin and Landin with our hosts, Carla and Eric.

This is me with my new friend, Carla. What an awesome woman she is! It was instant connection for the two of us and I'm hoping to have another opportunity to visit with her and to continue what was begun last week.

I love this picture! This is me with Darin and Landin.

This is one of my favorite pictures. We've all been friends for a long time and it was great to finally be together.

It was a wonderful weekend! I still think about it often and enjoy looking at the pictures over and over again. I'm thankful for the time I spent with each of these special friends and I hope it won't be long before I see them all again. I miss them very much.

An amazing weekend in Alabama!

2010-01-19T14:02:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning, a friend and I began a long drive to Huntsville, Alabama. I’ve never in all my life wanted to go to Alabama but I went because Darin Hufford, author of "The Misunderstood God," was there for the weekend. He was speaking Friday night and Saturday night in a home and Sunday morning in a church. I had recently shared Darin’s teachings with one of my friends and, when she found out he was going to be in the southeast, she immediately talked me into going. The next few weeks were chaotic and stressful as our plans changed and, at one point, it looked like we weren’t going but Friday night, we knew it was a go and we set out Saturday morning.

Over the last two and a half years since I got involved with his ministry, Darin and I have become very good friends. We’d never met so it was an exciting time for both of us when we finally saw each other. I couldn’t contain my excitement as we travelled and poor Debbie had to endure eight hours of my constant talking.

Darin is a gifted and dynamic speaker and, of course, I’ve already heard or read everything that he’s posted on his website. However, this was a very special occasion as I finally got a chance to hear him live and in person. His teaching was fantastic as he kept us riveted to our seats with his stories and his great sense of humor and, just as I expected, it was a memorable experience.

Meeting Darin and finally hearing him speak was a major highlight of my life but there was even more that made this weekend so special. I immediately clicked with the woman who was hosting the meetings and we immediately started acting like we were lifelong friends. I really felt like I had known her all of my life. Everyone who was at the meeting was gracious and there was a constant flow of love like I’d never experienced before.

After Darin spoke Sunday morning, several of us spent the rest of the day just hanging out together. It was great spending time just getting to know one another. Sometimes, we were serious as we talked about our journeys but other times we just laughed and enjoyed ourselves.

Monday morning, several of us met at Starbucks for a farewell gathering. Debbie and I would soon be leaving to head for home and some other friends would also be leaving to return to Texas. It was a great time! We joked and took lots of pictures and Darin was a good sport as he posed several times.

This was an experience that I know I’ll never forget. I’m not sure when I’ll see any of them again but I do know that my heart has been so tightly knit with Darin and the group from Huntsville that distance will not weaken the bond. I’ve tried with this post to capture the essence of this weekend but I know I haven’t even come close. I can’t find words to describe the feelings that are going through me even now as I type. All I know is that I’ve been loved and . . . I’ll never be the same again.

Darin has some other trips scheduled. He’ll be going to Alaska and Cincinnati and I know there will be other trips in the future. To learn more about Darin and his ministry, follow this link.

Karen's story

2010-01-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

From time to time, I'll be posting with the author's permission emails or private messages that I've received. Some of these people have shared their story with me and I feel that others can relate to what they've written and would be encouraged to read about their experiences.

My friend, Karen, has been a victim of spiritual abuse and is still working through the process of healing. As part of this processing, she recently sent me several lengthy messages expressing her thoughts. She has graciously agreed to allow me to post excerpts from her story. Because of the length of the messages, I'll be sharing her thoughts in two separate postings.

Since spiritual abuse can appear in many forms, I know many of you will be able to relate to her experiences. Her story is important and by sharing it here, I hope many of you will be encouraged as you continue your journey to wholeness.

Thank you, Karen, for letting me share your story. Here are excerpts from the messages she sent me:

"To begin with, no spirituality can be healthy if it spawns a dysfunctional subculture.

Are certain personality types drawn to this sort of thing? Are people so threatened that they have to build a rigid structure around them so they can feel secure?

It struck me that their whole view of reality was almost like a fantasy role playing game.

A performance trap, but with the additional poison of the Garden of Eden temptation: “You shall be as God”--and people grasped at personal power and a sense of significance that they lacked in their daily lives. What I really found weird was traveling with these people to a conference: we were in the car for a few hours, but nobody talked! The p&w music played and everyone was having their special god time, and that couldn’t be interrupted. Even on the way home, nobody wanted to talk about what they experienced or heard at the conference. This is true in the Church services too…. It was just individuals seeking their touch from God, no sense of corporate interaction. It occurred to me that these were all God addicts trying to get their next “hit” of the warm fuzzies and were willing to do what it took to “get the anointing” or get high on Jesus. And the sharp demarcation between the spiritual and physical world ensured that mundane existence didn’t have anything to do with God, unless there were some “divine appointments” in which you could escape for a while into that “other world.”

Hearing the wrong message

2010-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to the conclusion that many people are drawn to the message of grace because of the freedom it gives. When they’re told about the love of God and that we’re free from the law, they hear . . . FREEDOM!!! This translates in their minds to . . . “There are no rules so I can do anything I want.”

With this message of freedom ringing in their ears, they take off running doing whatever they want. The hurt that results doesn’t even concern them because, after all, they're now free. If anyone tries to correct their behavior, they’re immediately told that they have a pharasaical spirit and that they’re trying to put people in bondage.

The problem is that these people are hearing the wrong message. It’s true that we’re free from the law but the real message is LOVE. Yes, we can now do anything we want and God will still love us but the fact is that we now have a new heart that is filled with God’s love. Although freedom is a byproduct, love is now the compelling force in our lives and it compels us to live righteously as loved children of God instead of being controlled by our selfish desires.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

May you all experience the life and love of God more deeply in the new year!

Happy New Year!!

The heart of a protector

2009-12-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I took an online personality test and the results were amazingly accurate. They showed that I'm an Introvert, Sensing, Feeling and Judging. (ISFJ) My personality was described as a protector or a defender. When I saw the results, I immediately thought, "Wow! That's me!" This is a personality trait that I've come to recognize.

I tend to have compassion for the underdog and I immediately want to rescue them from hurt. I hate to see anyone or anything abused which is why I try to promote online groups like "The Animal Rescue Site" and "Not One Sparrow" which focus on animal rights. This has also led to a passion to inform people about the damage caused by spiritual abuse. I've never been one to march and protest but I do share online about those issues that have become important to me.

Being a protector is a wonderful characteristic but, like all personality traits, it also has its downside. After many years of struggling with this, I'm finally beginning to accept the fact that I can't rescue everyone.

A number of years ago, I was involved in a spiritually abusive church. Even after I became aware of what was happening, I stayed and a large part of the reason why was because of my desire to rescue the pastor and to see him set free. Also, I wanted to protect the people from his abuse. I finally left but I felt guilty for many years feeling like I had failed God. I've since come to understand that I left because it was time. God had accomplished in me all that he wanted to accomplish and it was just time to leave.

Since I've become involved with online groups, I've once again seen this trait surface. Unless properly moderated, online groups tend to become extremely abusive. I was a member of two groups that became abusive and I finally had to terminate my membership. Even after I left, I would check in daily out of curiosity. Finally, in order to maintain my sanity, I had to drastically limit even that. I've found that I have to be extremely careful because seeing the abuse and feeling helpless to stop it is emotionally draining for me.

I stayed in both groups longer than I should have because I wanted to protect the other members. Worry and concern for their welfare was tearing me apart emotionally. Putting some distance between me and those abusive groups has helped me tremendously.

I’ve come to believe that it’s impossible to bypass leadership. They control all the cards and there’s nothing I can do to change them or the abusive system from the inside. The truth is each member is free to choose . . . they can stay or they can leave. It’s really up to them. I know people can be so emotionally beaten down that it’s hard to make decisions but ultimately, it’s up to them to take responsibility for their own rescue.

Because of my personality, I’m having to learn to put limits on myself. The bottom line is do I really trust God? Do I really believe that he loves them and will take care of them? While I can be a friend to some, I can’t rescue the world and the truth is that it's really God's responsibility and not mine.

“Do we trust God to take care of our friends. They have a spiritual journey they have to walk themselves, just them and God. We can't be expected to rescue everyone. By doing so, we may circumvent the very avenue that God will provide for their escape. Let God be God. Pray, have faith, rest and take comfort in His faithfulness.” (Pigs in the Pulpit – p.287)

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T06:51:00.001-08:00

I appreciate all of you who read the rambling thoughts that I post here. Some of you add comments and some of you don't but I hope what I share has been an encouragement to you as you're learning to forget the former things and walk in the new things that God has given you. I look forward to continuing this journey with you in the new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The Range Wars

2009-12-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

Recently, hubby and I watched a television program about The Range Wars that took place in Wyoming during the late 1800’s. Cattle barons had taken over government lands as grazing land for their herds and, when The Homestead Act was passed, these lands were given to private individuals by the government. These homesteaders built fences around their property and, at times, rustled cattle from the large cattle owners. Eventually, this resulted in what became known as The Range Wars.

In an attempt to drive out the homesteaders and to stop the flood of settlers, the cattle owners lynched a couple of homesteaders and then hired assassins to kill the rest. For a while, it looked like the cattle owners had won since they had powerful allies. The local newspapers twisted their reporting to support them and, at one point, the President got involved and helped to free a group of assassins. The deck seemed stacked against the homesteaders and it looked like the cattle owners were sure to win. Of course, we know today that their victory was short lived. Homesteaders continued to settle the entire West and eventually the old way of life ended.

I began to think about how we tend to fight change. When our way of life is threatened, we’ll fight to maintain the status quo but often all we accomplish is to postpone the inevitable. When a group is firmly entrenched with power and money on its side, it’ll do anything it can to preserve its way of life This in my opinion is what I see happening in the modern day church.

George Barna in his book “Revolution” concluded that "The number of Christians attending local church in the USA is declining rapidly. Today, 70% of Christians attend traditional churches, but this will sink to 30-35% in 20 years." He further predicted that "The number of followers of Jesus who do not attend a local church will grow from 30% to 70% in the next 20 years."

That can be scary statistics for those who are firmly entrenched in the current system of institutional church. Like the cattle barons, they often resort to extreme measure. While they can’t hire assassins to physically kill those who are leaving, they do use the power of the press to twist their reporting to frighten believers by calling them rebellious and telling them the dangers that await them if they leave the fold. Magazines like Charisma that support their way of life have devoted major portions of some issues to describing the danger in an attempt to scare those who leave.

I believe the popularity of the internet has been a major catalyst for these changes and I also believe that despite all attempts to stop them, these changes will accelerate and continue to grow until the old way of life is ended. As happened after the range wars, the cattle barons still continued to raise cattle but their power and their ability to control their environment dramatically decreased. I believe we’ll always have some form of institutional church. Some people enjoy them and thrive in that environment. However, I believe over time, we’ll begin to see more and more believers who are thriving outside of an organized structure.

Eventually, it became obvious to the cattle barons that they were fighting a losing battle and that their only option was to coexist with the settlers. I think the church is faced with the same decision. There’s room for both groups, however, conditions will continue to change. As Jesus is building his Church, he will place some members outside of a local body and they will thrive there. Others, he’ll continue to send into an institutional system. I think the key for us is to remember that it’s his Church and he can build it anyway he wants. Our responsibility is to find the method that works best for us and to not look down on others who have chosen another method.

I love the variety of the church that we have today. I still go on Sunday mornings and have no desire to stop going. However, the vast majority of my friends don’t go. I love the richness of our fellowship as we share life from our different perspectives.

It’s a great day to be a member of the Church. No longer do we have to be bound to a religion that requires us to conform to an outward standard for acceptance. We’ve now been given the freedom to decide how we’re going to relate to the Church that Jesus is building and I’m thankful that I can freely follow him wherever and however he leads.

Letter from Meredith

2009-12-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

I received the following email after I was interviewed by Jim Robbins on his Good and Noble Heart podcast. Meredith shared her experiences in an abusive church and I believe many of us can relate to what she went through.

She has graciously agreed to allow me to post it here. My hope is that as you read her story, you'll be encouraged to move more deeply into the love and freedom that God has given to us.

Hi Aida,

Jim Robbins suggested that I write you and share some of my experiences with you regarding spiritual abuse. I listened to your interview on Jim's site yesterday and you were just great. Like you, I have survived abusive churches and am super well and have learned a lot from the experiences.

I told Jim I would share my response to your interview in an e-mail. There are a lot of similarities in our experiences. I think this kind of abuse follows the grand design for this kind of thing. The thing that I am most interested in lately is the particular special abuse heaped on women in these situations.

Thanks for letting Jim interview you.

The following is my response on Jim's site to your interview.

Thanks!

Meredith

Hi Jim,

Great interview with Aida! She is amazing!

Having been though spiritual abuse myself...and I think many have---even more than realize it...She brought up a lot of points that resonated with my experience.

Submission--- Ha ha ha This is a BIG one, and something that I was very much criticized for. In fact I was labelled rebellious. These religious leaders do exactly what Aida says. The speak about submission and state that we are to unquestionably follow leadership and even if they ask you to do something wrong, you have to do it and God will bless you, otherwise you will be cursed. (I never bought that one.) And Jim, you are so right, this is a very cult-like. I remember leaving a church and the pastor insisted upon a meeting with me and I told him that it was starting to feel cult-like there. He said "we've been called that before..." I got chills.

Vested interest in ignorance---- Yes! Aida said that well! It is unbelievable that a church leader could know the truth or part of it and still withhold it. But they do. In these instances I assume that they are not who they say they are, because that behavior is not a product of goodness. They do this so that they have people around to do things and finance the church. Guilt is a good motivator to get people to do things...tithe, volunteer time, keep them in the church....

Upheaval---- Aida's experience matches mine. If something is going well, it is ended. And also it seems that the pastor will throw his support behind a class or project that is unfruitful or a complete failure. If someone complains that they do not want to participate in it. He will state that that person is not spiritually astute enough to understand its value. They want to keep people down not enlighten and free them.

Conformity--- I could go on forever on this. Originality and alternative views on scripture are demonized. If the pastor wants you at a particular meeting and you tell him you cannot then he will freeze you out and bring it up at a later date. I just have to tell this... There was a tea party at the church on a Sunday. Services were held Saturdays. They had me there virtually every afternoon after work/ school to "help" with things. I needed one day out of the week to do laundry and rest. I was approached by someone who asked if it was okay of they changed me from one table to another for the day of the tea party. I told them I did not RSVP and I should not be on any seating charts at all. I asked who said I would be there and no one answered but everyone was irrate. I told them that I had already been there 6 days and I need to rest. (Bad answer.) Well, I got calls from 3 people in leadership questioning why I wasn't going to the dumb tea party. I still refused and they were further angered..... I was respectful in my refusal and couldn't understand what the big deal was. That was the beginning of my bad reputation....:0)

But I agree with Aida that the experience does make us richer even though it is incredibly painful at the time. I too would not be the person I am today and wouldn't have understood any of this.

Meredith

Pigs in the Pulpit

2009-11-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

Written by J. Michael Wittman, "Pigs in the Pulpit" is the story of his family's journey to freedom after years in what he describes as a cult-like group. As I've said in previous posts, spiritual abuse is a subject that has been swept under the rug by the institutional church. No one wants to talk about it. Well, J. Michael Wittman is talking about it and I admire his candor.

As long as it remains a hidden topic, multitudes of sincere believers will be hurt and victimized. Anyone who has read my blog knows that I'm passionate about seeing the captives set free so I'm thankful for books like this one that are exposing the truth about spiritual abuse.

This is a captivating story of how the author and his family were ensnared in abusive systems for over 17 years. He describes his initial experience of "love bombing" and how that led to allegiance to two different groups and leaders that were controlling and abusive. In the early stages, there was "a systematic tearing down of my will, my conscience and my character, so that I would be more susceptible to being controlled."

Those who haven't been involved in these types of groups wonder why anyone would stay. However, one of the characteristics of mind control is that people find it difficult to leave even after they begin to see what's happening. The tentacles of mind control are strong and not easily broken. The author clearly describes the struggle he and his family went through before they finally were able to break free.

Even after leaving, however, the road to healing and normalcy is often long and difficult. In my opinion, the last chapter of the book is one of the best. In it, the author gives ten suggestions that will aid in the transition to normalcy. Even though I've been outside of an abusive group for many years, I found his suggestions helpful.

Reading this book was painful at times since I could relate to the author's pain and humiliation. However, in my opinion, he's done a wonderful job of describing the horrors of what he endured. Until people are willing to speak out, others will continue to be victimized. and I'm glad he's chosen to tell his story.

Although the story was riveting, it was sometimes difficult to wade through the many unimportant descriptive details. However, I still believe it's an excellent resource for anyone struggling to break free from an oppressive religious system.

Sin and shame part 2: The solution

2009-11-17T17:39:00.000-08:00

In an earlier post, I discussed the fact that it’s our shame and not sin that causes a separation between us and God. To get the background, you might want to read that post before reading this one. The comments were really good so I think it would be helpful to read them as well.

Although there had been a barrier, God in his love and mercy, has provided a solution and that solution is the cross. Jesus bore our sins on the cross but more importantly . . . he bore our shame. Shame and sin were nailed to the cross so there’s no longer any separation between God and us. Now, we can enjoy unbroken fellowship with him.

Since I’ve grown in the security of God’s love, I no longer spend a lot of time worrying about sin. To be honest, I rarely think about it. This actually concerned me more than the actual sin itself. However, I’ve since come to understand that an over concern with sin is a shame based behavior that Jesus dealt with on the cross. Because shame has been removed, sin should no longer be the focus of our attention. Now that I’m free, my attention can be focused on God and his love.

When I blow it, I don’t have to run from him in shame. Instead, I can go to him confident that I’m loved and accepted. Love (God) is patient. He understands our humanness and that at times, we may even be stubborn and want our own way. Yet, he still loves us.

As I’m learning to live more deeply in his love, God’s healing those broken places in my life that have caused me to sin. Now, I can stop beating myself over the head when I miss it. Instead . . . I can accept my humanness and live free from shame knowing that I’m fully loved and accepted by God.

The Good and Noble Heart podcast

2009-11-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was a guest on Jim Robbins' The Good and Noble Heart podcast. Jim is a good friend and we had a blast as we discussed a number of different topics including my journey from the bondage of religious thinking to freedom in Christ.

Part of my journey included being involved in an abusive religious system. Since I've experienced the pain of spiritual abuse, my heart is to see others set free from this oppressive bondage. Jim has also had some experience with spiritual abuse so we were both able to share what we've learned from our different but still very similar experiences.

To hear this podcast, follow this link. I hope you enjoy it.

Sin and shame part 1: Why are you hiding?

2009-11-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

For years, I believed that sin caused a separation between God and me. I was taught that God is righteous and holy and can’t bear to look on sin so when I sin, he turns away from me. In order to be restored to a right relationship with him, I had to repent and ask for his forgiveness. Then, I could live in his forgiveness until the next time I sinned and then the process began again.

Recently, my understanding of this has changed. In the garden, after Adam and Eve had sinned by eating the fruit God had told them not to eat, he didn’t turn away from them. Instead, he came looking for them as he had always done. However, now instead of greeting him, they hid from him. When they didn’t immediately come to him, he called out to them and they finally responded. They told him that they had hidden because they were naked. Shame because of their naked condition had caused them to hide from God.

This story and many others show us that God never turns away from us even when we sin. However, because of shame, we turn away from him. So, it’s obvious that shame, not sin is what causes this separation.

In the story of the loving father and his prodigal son, the father saw his son coming home when he was a long way off. He didn’t wait for his son to come to him and ask his forgiveness. Instead, before the boy could say a word, he ran to him, hugged him and kissed him. He immediately restored him fully as a son with all of the rights and privileges of a son because, in his eyes, there had never been a separation. The separation only existed in his son’s heart.

Jesus also told a story about a shepherd who left his 99 sheep to look for one lost sheep. He didn't wait for the sheep to come to him with its head hanging down in shame. Instead, he went looking for it until he found it. Then, he joyfully put it on his shoulders and carried it home.

Religion has taught us that because of his holiness, fellowship with God is broken until we've repented. This tradition has caused a lot of insecurity and fear because we're never quite sure if we've offended him. We've been told that we're out from under his umbrella of protection until we repent. So, if we don't quickly repent, all sorts of terrible things can happen to us and our family.

This picture of an easily offended God is in my opinion despicable. The description of love given by the apostle Paul says that love is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, love is not easily offended. Since God is love, then it stands to reason that he's not easily offended either.

I've been crowned!

2009-11-11T14:07:00.001-08:00

My good friend, Leonard, has been sending caps to some of his friends who he feels have encouraged him in his grace walk and I've been privileged to have received one of his Reese's caps.

Leonard, who loves to study the meaning of words, told me that Reese's means zealous. He also asked me to take a picture wearing the cap and to send it to him. Since he promised not to draw a mustache on it, I agreed. (Those of you who know Leonard, know that it's best to confirm these things before agreeing.)

My other good friend, Ron, was also crowned and has posted his picture on his blog. Following his courageous example, I'm also posting my picture crowned with a Reese's cap. So, here it is . . . !

A life changing truth!

2009-11-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

I posted on Amazon.com the following review of "Recover Your Good Heart" by Jim Robbins. Jim is a good friend who is gifted in many ways. As you may recall, he designed the beautiful header on my blog.

I've talked a lot about Jim's book but I've never done an actual review. I hope you enjoy my review and will decide to order a copy and read it for yourselves.

"God is more interested in teaching you to live from your new (and good) heart than he is in pressuring you to be a good Christian."

This compelling statement from the back cover of “Recover Your Good Heart” beautifully describes the essence of what Jesus meant when he said that he came to give us abundant life.

We’ve been told that our hearts are wicked. As a result, we spend our lives striving to please a god who is always watching, ready to mete out punishment whenever we fail. This is a scary god who can’t be trusted so we end up hiding, afraid of his wrath. What a sad picture of Christianity today!

Jim Robbins totally dispels this lie. We’re not just worms in the dust waiting for God to pour out his wrath on us. NO! The truth is that we’ve been given a new heart which is filled with God’s life so now we’re his children and he’s eager to pour out a continuous flow of love and grace on us.

Jim, in a style that’s clear and simple to understand, describes the truth about our good and noble heart. Included in the book are stories of people who have been bound by shame and guilt because they’ve believed that no matter what they did, it was never good enough. As they learned the truth about their good hearts and began to live in that reality, their lives were dramatically changed.

I highly recommend this book . As Jim said, "It’s time to set your good heart free . . . " and that’s exactly what I believe will happen for those who read this book and accept the truth that they now have a good heart.

The essence of community

2009-10-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've just finished reading "The Secret Lives of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd. Set in South Carolina in 1964 just after the passage of the civil rights bill, it tells the story of Lily Owens a troubled teenager who finds healing and hope in a loving community of caring women. Although not written for a christian audience, I believe it gives us a wonderful picture of how God intended for community to function and how a safe community can be an instrument to help bring healing and wholeness.

At the end of the book, the author shares some of her thoughts regarding the book. One of the questions she was asked is "How does having a sisterhood of women make a difference?" Although her answer was given regarding a community of women, it would also be the same for all communities . . . those made up of men or those made up of men and women.

Here is an excerpt from the answer she gave. Her answer in my opinion describes the essence of true community.

When women bond together in a community in such a way that "sisterhood" is created, it gives them an accepting and intimate forum to tell their stories and have them heard and validated by others. The community not only helps to heal their circumstance, but encourages them to grow into their larger destiny. This is what happened to Lily. She found a sanctuary of women where she could tell her story , and have it heard and validated --an act that allowed her not only to bear her sorrow but transform it.

What a wonderful thing it would be if we could all find such a loving caring community.

Preorder: The Misunderstood God

2009-10-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

"Is there more to God than meets the religious eye? From the publishers of The Shack comes a provocative book that further unveils the unfathomable love and grace of God. Author Darin Hufford takes God's claim to be love itself and holds it up against God's own definition of love in one of the most beloved passages of the Bible --1 Corinthians 13. Scripture calls him the God of love, but religion often portrays him with the vindictive personality of the devil. Which one is he and how can we be sure? If you've ever struggled to understand the nature of God, this book will help you see that God is truly the definition of love." (ad campaign by Windblown Media)

Scheduled to be released November 2, "The Misunderstood God" is now available for preorder. To read my previous post about "The Misunderstood God," follow this link.

New look

2009-10-11T05:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've noticed the new look on my blog. I don't want anyone to think that I'm that creative. The new look is due to the creative genius of Jim Robbins. Jim is a very gifted author, musician and teacher. He's also very knowledgeable about computers and their workings so when he offered to create a header for my blog, I immediately took him up on it.

I'm definitely challenged when it comes to computers so I'm fortunate to have a friend who knows what he's doing. Jim is a gem. He worked on this all afternoon to get it to fit right but I'm thrilled with the results. He also inspired me to make some additional changes in color and the font.

As I said, Jim is also a gifted author. If you haven't read his book, Recover Your Good Heart, you're missing a treat. Also, if you're on Facebook, Jim just started a new community called The Good and Noble Heart Community. It was formerly a group but it now has its own page so I hope you'll join us there for some good conversation.

Mind Control

2009-10-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

I found this article posted on Cultwatch describing the mind control that is used by abusive groups. My desire is to see people free from the ravages of spiritual abuse and I believe this article will inform and perhaps lead some to take steps towards their freedom.

To read it, follow this link.

A safe place

2009-10-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

My last post was a review of the newly released book "Bo's Cafe." Some great comments were posted as Bruce McNicol, one of the authors, shared about the importance of having "a safe place." His comments as well as the discussion helped me to clarify my thoughts regarding safe places.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about safe places as they pertain to online groups. The question I've been pondering is: What is a safe place and is it really possible to have one? Relationships are messy and online ones where we may not know the people involved can be particularly messy.

In my involvement with online groups, I've seen a very disturbing trend develop as the volume of arguing and anger increases. This is true even of groups that have been formed for christians to share and discuss their beliefs. Because of the level of rancor, some groups have become, in my opinion, spiritually abusive. Anyone who expresses a thought outside of the accepted belief of the most vocal is subject to name calling and harassment of the worst kind. These abusive groups are usually unmoderated since moderated groups don't tend to experience this type of chaos and abuse.

Watching this happen has caused me to wonder . . . Is it realistic to expect these types of groups to be environments where everyone behaves? Should there be moderation to ensure proper behavior or is that setting up an unrealistic, unnatural environment? As I thought about these questions, I began to compare two groups that that I've been involved with - one is abusive and the other one has a spirit of love that permeates all of the conversations.

One of the responders to my post said that a safe place is not necessarily a "comfy" place and, as Bruce further elaborated on that statement, I began to see things more clearly. He said, "a safe place is not a soft place. An environment of grace is a place where the truth will flow most freely, the truth about who I am, how I'm doing, and how we're doing."

That's exciting! "A safe place" is a place where the members can open up and be vulnerable without being attacked. However, it will definitely not be a comfortable place because we'll give other members freedom to lovingly delve into those areas of our lives that we've done our best to keep hidden even from ourselves.

Like a wound that has been lanced to let out the infection, delving into those hidden places can be painful, messy and at times ugly. However, if we want to be healed, we need to submit to the pain and allow our community of friends to help us struggle through to freedom. I believe the only way this will work is if the group is free from abuse. Hurting members will not open up if instead of gentle lancing to bring healing, their wound is scratched and further torn open through abuse.

Some of us don't have a local community that we meet with in a face to face relationship. Our only community is online. Therefore, if we're to get beyond the hurts of the past, we need to find a safe place where we can be open and honest without fearing abuse.

This conversation regarding safe places has really excited me as I see the potential in the life of a believer where one exists. Like the authors, I hope we'll begin to see more safe places rise up - both in our local communities and online.

If you'd like to read my post reviewing "Bo's Cafe," follow this link. I invite you to share any thoughts you might have that will help us further process this concept of "a safe place."

Wouldn't it be great if we all had one?

Memory - Three Tenors

2009-09-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite videos. I love this song and I love how they do it. Besides, I think their accents are cute.

"Bo's Cafe" blog tour

2009-09-28T03:01:00.000-07:00

I was quite surprised when I opened my inbox last week and found an email from Bruce McNicol, one of the authors of “Bo’s Café,” asking if I’d be interested in being part of a blog tour for their book which was starting today. I happily agreed which was definitely an act of faith since at that time, I didn’t even have a copy of the book. It was on order but I didn’t receive it until a few days later. When I did receive it, excitedly and expectantly, I immediately began reading. I’ve since finished the book and enjoyed it very much.

“Bo’s Café” is a fictional account of events in the life of Steven Kerner, a high powered business executive, who is struggling in his marriage and in his career. His life changes when he meets a man named Andy and begins to meet with a group of folks at a restaurant called Bo’s Café. Through a developing friendship with Andy and this group, he finds authentic community and a safe place to be open and vulnerable.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I started reading. To be honest, I found the group that met at the café to be irritating and I don’t think that I would enjoy spending time with such a zany group of characters but I loved the fact that they weren’t perfect. They were a group of very flawed individuals who were willing to openly discuss their flaws.

This is in contrast to our religious world, where we’re always very careful to pretend that we have it all together. We never allow others to see who we really are.

Here’s a quote from the book. Lindsey says, “Sometimes at church it feels like the ones who look all cleaned up are the admired ones. If you dare let someone know something wrong about you, it’s like you’re suddenly a second-class citizen, part of the leper group. You know what I mean? Who would dare let anyone in with those stakes.” (Bo’s Café page 214)

People schooled in religion won’t let us see their hurts and their flaws so, when we struggle, we’re left feeling like we’re failures and that God is disappointed with us. “Bo’s Café” gives me hope that even with all of my imperfections, I can still be a source of encouragement to others and that’s it’s best accomplished by letting them see my imperfections and allowing them to help me struggle through them.

There are times when I struggle because I feel like I’m not doing anything. Fortunately, I’ve gotten past the feeling that I need to run out and do something . . . anything! However, I do sometimes feel down when I think about the classes I’m not teaching and about the groups I’m not speaking to.

This book reinforced an important truth that I know but I can’t always see clearly . . . and that’s the importance of one on one relationships. Speaking in front of a group may give me a temporary high but that’s nothing compared to the joy of walking through the twists and turns of life with someone in the unity of relationship.

“Bo’s Café” is a book that will definitely challenge and affect your thinking regarding community and authentic relationships. I believe it will also answer some questions we’ve all had regarding what a grace filled life looks like.

Bruce, John and Bill, I’ve enjoyed your book but I do have a question. In the book, several times you had Andy tell Steven that he wants to protect him. To be honest, the use of the word “protect” made me uncomfortable. It sounded too much like the religious concept of a “covering.”

My question is: Why did you choose the word “protect” to describe Andy’s relationship with Steven and what did you mean by it?

Butterfly

2009-09-22T04:17:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I hope to add posts written by guest bloggers. Some of my friends don't have blogs of their own but they've got a word to share that I believe needs to be heard so I want my blog to be a place where they can share what's on their heart.

If you haven't already done so, I suggest that you read the poem I recently posted that was written by Brett. I know it'll encourage you on your journey to healing and freedom.

Today's guest blogger is Sandy, a friend who has written a beautiful post describing how even the simplest of things can be a reminder of God's love and grace. I know you'll enjoy what she has to share.

Butterfly

A dear friend of mine recently gave me a really cool gift. When I opened the gift box I found an opaque white butterfly etched within a glass display, resting on a flower also etched within the display. There was a stand included for the display to rest on. I immediately thought to myself, “Wow, how pretty!” Later, when batteries were installed and the power was turned on I really saw something beautifully displayed.

A variety of colors began illuminating and passing through the butterfly. Green. Red. Blue. Pink. Yellow. There were moments when the colors overlapped causing a mixture of colors to cross over the butterfly. The butterfly didn’t move. It just rested on the flower, secure on the firm stand. To me, this is a beautiful picture of the believer’s true identity in Christ.

Colors pass through my life. Sometimes things change rapidly and/or there are many things happening all at the same time so many colors are moving through my life all at the same time. These “colors” can be seen as emotions, circumstances, people effecting my life, etc.; anything that might hinder my view. With the state our economy is in right now, I think a lot of folks are experiencing a lot of different “colors” in their lives.

I see the stand as the Rock of Ages, the batteries as His Life within me supplying the power, and the flower as the beauty of His grace. When I think of the butterfly resting despite all the different “colors” passing through, it brings comfort to me, and a reminder that who I am and what I have as a child of the living God is what is real, what is true. Emotions, circumstances, people, etc., are but passing entities. I can feel the emotions and then let them go, I can deal with people and circumstances the best I can, but most importantly I hold on the truth that His grace is more than sufficient for me regardless of what life brings, and that I am a butterfly continuing to learn true rest in His amazing Grace!

Sandy

Surviving Spiritual Abuse

2009-09-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

I just added on my sidebar the links to two videos on the topic, "Surviving Spiritual Abuse." The speaker is Dr. Stephen Arterburn, author of "Toxic Faith." Dr. Arterburn answers a series of questions related to what is spiritual abuse and how to be free from its affects.

These are great resources for anyone who has been victimized by spiritual abuse. If this applies to you or someone you know, I suggest checking out these videos. You can also view them by following this link and this link.

Heavenly Deception - previous post

2009-09-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I posted a poem written by brettact2. The poem is a description of his journey from spiritual abuse to freedom in Christ. I’m sure many who have been victimized by spiritual abuse can relate to the hurt and the struggles that he describes.

Brett has graciously agreed to make himself available to dialogue with anyone who would like to share their thoughts and their questions. So, if you’ve been touched by the raw honesty of his poem, feel free to add your comments.

Freedom is available to you and I know Brett would love to hear your story and encourage you on your journey to freedom.

Heavenly Deception

2009-09-10T16:25:00.000-07:00

The following poem was posted on The Free Believers Network forum. The author who calls himself brettact2 wrote this poem describing his journey out of “a one true church personality cult 30 years ago.”

Because of my experience with spiritual abuse, this poem touched me deeply and I believe anyone who has been victimized will be able to relate to what was said. I asked Brett if I could post it here because it clearly describes the confusion and guilt that we experience as our eyes are opened. I believe understanding our emotions and knowing that it’s okay will help in the healing of those who are still struggling.

May you be encouraged as you read Brett’s words.

Heavenly Deception

There is so much Lord,
That is claimed in Your name,
For which we are ashamed.

Truth whispered from ear to ear;
Prized, hidden, cloaked,
Disguised from the world;
For we are one of the chosen few,
Initiates into the mysteries of time,
And the world laughs at us.

The works of man feel soo good-
Discipline, love, acceptance,
Unity in uniformity,
Common belief,
With no grief, no pain-
We’re anesthetized,
So we believe everyone else is insane
Living in vain,
While we're mindless -
Drugged out, washed out,
Unable to know our feelings & doubts,
Because we know Truth,
We're in the Family,
We're his 'children'
And must express the reality thereof;
Perfectly loyal, without fear, doubt,
Or equivocation.
Just claim emancipation,
As we sink deeper,
And deeper,
Thru mere participation,
Into mindless submission,
Performing the deception,
Ordained of god,
To advance the Work,
Amongst all these clods.
Heavenly Deception -
In the name of Truth.

We sit back,
Having it all pat,
Swallowing Satan's con:
Surface religion.
Tired of his standard brands,
We searched for truth, peace & love.
He offered us suitable facsimiles,
(Empty & hollow,
The only level deception survives at)
Just prior to our reality confrontation;
Plucked out of the rat race,
Placed into Satan's deceptive grace.

But then the moment comes,
The true moment of truth,
When we see
From the simple gut level values of our conscious,
That what the group speaks,
To its members
And the world,
Don't match.
The moment of confrontation -
When we find politics preempts truth.

"God, what do I do?
This group teaches the truth,
The fruits are good,
But God,
This is hypocrisy,
Help me Lord!
I want to believe!
I want to belong!
I want to serve You,
I want to do what is right!
Help me God,
Show me how to reconcile the two,
Maybe this…
Or maybe that…
But it doesn't fit!
It just doesn't fit.

Lord, why aren't you answering me?
Can You?
Maybe they don't reconcile -
But they've got to -
What they preach and write is so true -
I've put so much into this organization -
They can't be hypocrites,
Can they?…
Why not?
Why do they have to be different from other men?
Why can't money, power & fame
Get to them,
Making religion one big game?
God!!
Help me!!!
I don't want to think these thoughts,
I don't want to believe this to be true,
I want to believe in You,
I want to do Your work,
And they're doing it.
God!
Help me!!
I can't figure this out!
Its driving me mad!
Help me!!!

Then more information came pouring in,
Confusing me more,
Friends desperately bombarding me with questions and facts;
The dilemma worsens;
I can't hold on,
But I must,
They are God's chosen,
The true church,
The only way to eternal life.

"I just want peace Lord,
I don't want anything new in my life;
I just want to sit home.
Leave me alone everyone,
I'm busy hanging on to the truth;
Please, don't change anything in my world,
I'm just barely in it now.
Oh Lord, I can't wait till the day I die'
Thoughtless death,
Sweet death,
Please come to me."

But it didn't.
Instead, You sent a message,
You reminded me of our first meeting,
How You convicted me to search for the Truth,
Showed me to judge honestly.

Thank You Lord,
For renewing my faith in You to see me through.
Be with me as I study YOUR Word,
Let me not take sides,
Nor make artificial standards to measure by,
But seek the Truth,
Which shall make me free;
If I am free
I am free totally.

There is so much Lord,
That's destroying people in these cults;
Use me to help them,
To help pluck them out of the fire somehow,
As You have plucked me,
Saved me from deception's misery.
Come Lord Jesus,
To save us all from ourselves.
Come.

Brett

The Living Word

2009-09-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

"Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee."

This Old Testament scripture has been used to promote the practice of scripture memorization. That might have been helpful under the Old Covenant since believers didn't have daily access to the scriptures. The only time they got to hear them read is when they went to the synagogue on the sabbath.

Today, however, we live under a new covenant. We no longer need to go to a building in order to hear the word of God read because he now lives in us. Jesus is the Word of God and, when he comes to live in us, he sets us free from sin. As we become more aware of his life in us, our tendency to sin diminishes.

An Honest Look at Friendships

2009-09-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships and I’ve come to believe there’s a difference between the two.

On Facebook, we have a long list of people that we call friends yet we probably never communicate with the vast majority of them. A few days ago, someone posted their status on my home page and I thought, “Who are they???” Then, I realized that person is one of my “friends”. Obviously, it isn’t much of a friendship since I have no idea who she is.

I believe "friend" is a word that’s been cheapened through overuse. We tend to toss that word around casually and call people friends that we hardly ever talk to. I believe the reason for that is because we have a desire to belong and to be accepted. In our introvert promoting society, we tend to look at having many friends as defining our worth. As a result, introverts are made to feel like there’s something wrong with us because we tend to have few friends.

Proverbs 18:24 says “A man of many friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Friendships are meant to be deep. Friendship is a heart connection between two people that can’t be broken and the connection goes both ways. I believe a true friendship is mutual with both people working to develop and maintain it.

If only one person is making the effort, the relationship is one-sided and is not a real friendship in my opinion. That’s not to say, however, that we need to end those relationships. I believe one-sided relationships can have great value since they tend to keep us other people focused rather than ME focused. However, we need to understand that there is a difference between a friendship and a one-sided relationship. This is important to know in order to avoid being hurt or hurting others.

The problem with confusing a one sided relationship with a true friendship is that we begin to have expectations of the other person that they cannot or will not fill. Instead of accepting the relationship for what it is, we struggle to make it what we want it to be and we tend to develop a needs based relationship where we want the other person to meet our needs. The result is hurt and anger as we try to manipulate the other person to fit into the box we’ve created for them.

Jesus said that friends lay down their lives for each other and Proverbs says that a friend is close, sometimes closer than family members.

True friendship can only exist with a few people. I believe it’s impossible to have that depth of friendship with a lot of people. Developing friendships require time, thought and effort and, if we try to expand our friendships to include everyone we come in contact with, the results will be superficial relationships and a lot of frustration as we fail to live up to our promises.

Relationships are important and I value those people who have passed through my life, enriched it and then continued passing through. Others, however, have stayed to develop a heart connection and these are the friendships that I treasure.

To read more about friendships, check out this post by David Backus and one of my older post.

Why I still go

2009-08-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I still go to an institutional church on Sunday mornings. The believers I spend time with are a wonderful group of people who call themselves Presbyterians. I attend the Sunday morning service regularly but I don’t go to any of the regularly scheduled programs although I may attend a special event if I want to.

About 12 years ago, God began to set me free from a religious mindset. As I became more and more aware of my identity in Christ and what he had accomplished for me by his death, burial and resurrection, I started to see the church differently.

I now understand that the church is not a building or a denomination but it’s a people who have been energized by the life of God. Also, fellowship is not a group of believers sitting in a building listening to a lecture about the Bible. Fellowship is a sharing of lives which can take place any time believers come together.

As I began to understand the truth of the gospel, my involvement in the organized church grew less and less but I never actually stopped going.

Those of you who have stopped going understand the stress you experience anytime you’re asked THE question . . . “Where do you go to church?” There’s always pressure to come up with an answer that won’t generate the infamous Hebrews 10:25 response.

Those of us who still go and can name a place have our own stresses too. I can feel a knot in my chest every time I’m asked where I go to church. Although church is a part of my life, it’s a relatively unimportant part. So, as a result, I struggle to find the right balance in my answer.

Then, I’m faced with another dilemma. There’s a tendency for some believers who have left the system to bash the institutional church. Before I continue, let me say that this isn’t a problem with those who comment on my blog and it isn't a problem with other believers that I’ve connected with through online groups such as the Free Believers forum.

However, I have seen this tendency on other online groups that I frequent. In conversations, those of us who attend are sometimes challenged about our participation. Comments are made and the result is that believers who understand grace but still attend are considered to be fraternizing with the enemy and are made to feel guilty.

At times, I’ve wondered myself why I still attend since I get nothing out of the sermon and don’t particularly enjoy the other parts of the service. I wonder what’s wrong with me that I haven’t gotten fed up and left. So, when talking to those who have left, unless I know them well, I’m always careful to come up with a good excuse for why I still attend.

Recently, I received an email from a friend who has been in a similar situation. He was going for family reasons but recently made the decision that "enough is enough" and it was finally time to make a break.

As I thought about what he shared, I began to see my own situation more clearly. I had to be honest with myself. The bottom line is . . . I go because I want to. I enjoy being around people even when I don’t actively interact with them. Laurie Helgoe in her book, “Introvert Power” talks about this desire of introverts to be alone among people and it’s true in my life. When I’m home alone for too long, I tend to get depressed so I do better emotionally if I’m around people even if we never talk. I can drift off into my own thoughts and do just fine.

So, I go Sunday mornings and pay no attention to what happens on stage. If I feel like singing, I do. If I don’t feel like singing, I don’t. I don’t raise my arms or clap when they tell me unless I feel like it. When the lecture starts, I tune out. I either look out the window that’s across the room or I watch the people and enjoy them.

As a free believer, God has restored to me choice and I’m now free to make my own decisions and to relate to him in a way that's natural. Of course, I’m not talking about freedom to sin but in the nitty gritty decisions of life, I’m free to choose. As far as church is concerned, I’m free to go and I’m free to not go. The decision is entirely mine.

I don’t know what the future holds. There may come a day when I decide that “enough is enough” but for now, I understand that it’s just not time for me to leave. If that time ever comes, I’ll know it and then I’ll leave but, until then, I have the freedom to go because I want to and I don’t have to feel guilty because I do.

Elders

2009-08-16T14:46:00.000-07:00

Believers who have been hurt by the religious system have a tendency to throw out the baby with the bath water when it comes to leadership in the church. Because many of us have been hurt by abusive and controlling leaders, the tendency is to get into a ditch on the other side of the road and to say that all leadership is under the Old Covenant and the need for human leaders ended under the New Covenant.

I think this teaching is as false as the system of leadership promoted by the institutional church. I really believe God intended for his church to have leaders. As I was thinking about this a while ago, I decided to put some thoughts down but I never posted them. I was trying to decide if I should post them when I read Bino’s latest post. I thought what he said went along well with what I had written so I decided to post what I had written and incorporate a few new thoughts.

In the institutional church, leadership is provided by a pastor with the assistance of a board of elders. In that type of system, it’s easy to determine who are the leaders . . . they’re the ones with the title.

However, this wasn’t the method used by the early church. According to Frank Viola, “The Christians themselves led the church under Christ’s direct headship. Leaders were organic, untitled, and were recognized by their service and spiritual maturity rather than by a title or office.” (Pagan Christianity, page 110)

In any group of believers, over time, it’ll become obvious who the elders are. They’re the ones who are serving and encouraging the others. They’re the ones that the other members go to for advice and encouragement. True elders don’t need a title and they don’t go around saying that they’re elders. They just live it without a lot of fanfare.

Eldership was never meant to be a position filled by a congregational election. Elders were supposed to develop as the members of the church grew in relationship. In this healthy, loving environment, elders would just naturally begin to function as elders.

The institutional church with its emphasis on titles and positions actually hinders the raising up of elders. In these systems, the work of ministry is done by those who have the position of pastor or elder. People are encouraged to go to the one with the title even if that person lacks wisdom and maturity. The true elder, the one who is mature and has wisdom, is often overlooked.

As the church leaves the building, I’m seeing elders begin to function in some of the online groups I’m involved with. As relationships grow, the elders in the group become apparent as they humbly move out to serve the others. This is the normal and healthy way the church is supposed to function. Led by this type of organic leadership, members will mature and the church will move forward as Christ intended.

In his comments, Bino posted a more complete list of the characteristics of a true leader. For those who don’t normally read comments, I’ll post his list here since I think the points he makes are very good and worth noting. He said,

"In my mind, a true leader:

-will serve people rather than control or manipulate
-will trust the Holy Spirit in each believer to do the leading and living.
-encourage people to question, challenge and debate various spiritual issues, doctrines etc
-do not force their opinion on others.
-give people freedom to make their own decisions as they are lead by Holy Spirit.
-tolerate diversity.
-promotes transparency and authenticity.
-admits his fleshly imperfection, weakness etc.
-willing to do more listening than preaching.
-will be humble, and have an attitude of a servant of God.
-do not act like they have a special hot line with God.
-believes that God has no partiality.
-encourages total freedom in Christ, teaches freedom from any kind of law.
-will not have an attitude of "I am in charge".
-accepts and loves people as they are, not as they should be.
-will not be a behavior modification therapist, rather point people to their righteous identity in Christ because of what Jesus did."

To read his complete post, follow this link.

Breaking the Facebook Habit

2009-08-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

I held out for a long time. I had absolutely no desire to have a Facebook but several months ago due to a number of unusual circumstances, I decided to give it a try and I immediately became hooked. As my list of friends grew, the number of status reports on my home page increased each day. I found myself reading what everybody had eaten for breakfast. I read about someone’s run to the grocery store to buy milk. I got daily reports from runners who were training for a marathon. Interspersed among all of this chatter, I found an occasional blog or quote that encouraged me.

The only thing I didn’t realize was that all of this focus on chit chat was robbing me of something I needed desperately . . . my blogging friends. As Facebook consumed more of my time, I found myself reading less of the blogs that I had grown to love and that had encouraged me on my journey.

I didn’t realize there was a problem until recently when loneliness once again began to be my companion. About a year and a half ago, when I connected with a group of bloggers, I noticed that loneliness was no longer a problem. I felt a strong and deep connection with them that totally displaced the loneliness. Yet, recently, it seems like I can’t shake it.

Facebook has it’s good points but, I’ve discovered that it doesn’t satisfy my need for close relationships such as I had experienced through blogging. I find it hard to develop deep relationships on Facebook and I want to re-connect with all of my friends and again experience the friendships I once had. So, I’ve made a decision. I don’t plan to quit Facebook but blogging comes first and, if there’s time left over, then I’ll check out Facebook.

The Heart's Code

2009-07-31T17:34:00.000-07:00

I just started reading "The Heart's Code" by Paul Pearsall. Before his death in 2007, Dr. Pearsall was a scientist who had come to believe that “the human heart, not the brain, holds the secrets that link body, mind, and spirit.” He believed that the heart has its own intelligence and speaks to us through what he describes as “the heart’s code” and he also believed that our cells have memory. Dr. Pearsall had come to these conclusions through research and clinical studies as well as through his own personal experience of almost dying of cancer. As he was dealing with the illness, he learned how to tap into the healing wisdom of his heart.

So far, I’m finding it a fascinating read and, although I haven’t gotten very far, I’m finding much that’s in agreement with my understanding of the heart. I’ve come to believe God wants us to be led by our hearts and not our heads and that there should be a union between heart and head where the head supports the heart as it leads.

Rather than trying to put what was written into my own words, I’m going to let the book speak for itself by posting a few quotes from it.

“Our ancestors knew that the heart had energy – a powerful energy – and that it conveyed deep wisdom. However, as the human species developed its brain, it began to lose sight of its heart. At this point in history as we venture into space, create global communication, and invent all sorts of technological tools and toys, we are poised to destroy ourselves, our children, and everything around us. Have we simply lost our minds, or have we lost something deeper? Have we lost our hearts?” (Foreword as written by Dr. Gary E. R. Schwartz and Dr. Linda G. S. Russek)

“The Heart’s Code points the way to a new revolution in our thinking. Metaphorically, the heart is the sun, the pulsing, energetic center of our biophysical “solar” system, and the brain is the earth, one of the most important planets in our biophysical system. One implication of the energy cardiology/cardio-energetic revolution is the radical (meaning “root”) idea that energetically, the brain revolves around the heart, not the other way around.” (Foreword)

“An objective of this book is to offer the possibility of putting more heart into our life by learning to quiet the restless, passionate brain so it may listen for the code of the gentler, more loving heart capable of reminding it that it is supposed to not only fulfill a biological evolutionary imperative but also be an instrument for refinement and expression of the soul.” (page 16)

As Dr. Pearsall explained, this science of energy cardiology is still in the beginning stages and has not been fully accepted by all members of the scientific community. However, like Dr. Pearsall, I believe this may be an important first step in the union of the spiritual and the scientific. For years, I have believed that true science will never contradict the truths of God. If there’s a discrepancy, then either the scientific data is being misinterpreted or the spiritual is being misinterpreted. As God has begun speaking to us about the truths of our good and noble heart, it appears that science is moving closer to agreement with that truth.

In the foreword, I found the following quote by Marcel Proust which I think wonderfully describes the journey I’m on. He said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes.” I’m thankful that God is giving me new eyes to see what has always been there.

The law and sin

2009-07-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Although I’ve known that the Bible says that the law excites and activates sin, I’ve never understood why. Recently, I was listening to a teaching series by Darin Hufford called The Sin Series. It was then that I finally got my answer. Rather than try to explain, I’ve decided to post a few quotes from the series. As you read, be aware that when Darin speaks of “the beast”, he is using that term to refer to sin.

“The reason sin gets power from the law is because the law is anti-choice.”

“The law overrides choice. It forces you to do the right thing so the beast rises up.”

“The law doesn’t take choice into account. It doesn’t even consider choice.”

“So, when the law comes and takes choice away, the beast rises up and goes crazy.”

“Every time you put yourself under the law, the beast rises.”

By putting ourselves under the law, choice is removed and the desire to rebel begins to grow. In order to maintain control, leaders in a law based religious system will promote fear to stop rebellion among its members hoping that fear of the consequences will be greater than the desire for freedom of choice.

However, in Christ there is an answer.

“Christ gives you a new name which is more powerful than the old one and, if you believe it, it restores to you choice.”

The desires of our hearts

2009-07-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

Darin Hufford, in a recent podcast said, “The more you get somebody away from their heart, the more they can be controlled.”

Religion is all about conformity. We’re taught that there’s only one way to do it. Our christian life is all mapped out by a set of rules that we’re expected to follow and our standing in the church is determined by how well we keep the rules. The result is a powerless religion that leaves us shamed and frustrated.

The truth is that Jesus came to set us free from a performance based religion. He came to bring us into a relationship with our Father that is alive and fulfilling and he does this through the desires he places in our hearts.

In religion, we’re taught that the heart is deceitfully wicked. That’s an Old Testament verse that was spoken to a group of believers who didn’t have the life of God in their hearts. Today, Jesus lives in our hearts and we’ve been given a new heart which Jim Robbins describes as our “good and noble hearts.”

Religion has taught us that we can’t trust our hearts. Yet, God wants to lead us through our good and noble hearts. Because of that false teaching, we’ve shut ourselves away from our hearts. The result is that we’ve lost the ability to hear our hearts and to be led by them. Instead, we now depend on external voices to give us direction.

We pore over the Bible looking for a verse that will tell us what to do. We go to church, notebook in hand, hoping the sermon will finally give us the answer we seek. Yet, all the time, the answer is in our hearts but we won’t go there because we’re afraid of being deceived.

For years, that’s how I lived my life. I didn’t even know that I could listen to my heart and I actually didn’t even know how to listen. God is now bringing me to a place where I’m learning to hear my heart and to trust its voice. Teachers like Darin Hufford and Jim Robbins have been instrumental in helping me grow in this area of my life.

I’m currently reading a book entitled “Introvert Power” by Laurie Helgoe. Although the focus of the book is to encourage introverts and to teach us how to live successfully in an extrovert world, I’m finding that the author is also showing me how to tap into and recognize the desires of my heart and to flow with them. This book has taken me to a level of freedom that I’ve only dreamed about.

This has been an exciting journey and, the last few years, God has completely re-shaped my life as a believer. Today, it looks totally different than it used to look. The changes in me have been so dramatic that I’m no longer totally uncomfortable with allowing God to lead me into new and uncharted territory. Years ago, as I started this journey into the unknown, he spoke the following scripture to my heart and today, I’m seeing it fulfilled as I follow the desires of my heart.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

The Church of Facebook

2009-07-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow blogger, Chad Estes, has posted a review of a book entitled "The Church of Facebook: How the Wireless Generation is Redefining Community" by Jesse Rice. Since I've found online communities to be a very satisfying way to connect and make new friends, the book sounds like it would be an interesting read.

Chad has done an excellent review so, to check out it out, follow this link.

The Good and Noble Heart podcasts

2009-07-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

Jim Robbins, author of “Recover Your Good Heart,” hosts a podcast called The Good and Noble Heart and recently he posted two excellent podcasts.

On June 18, he hosted my good friend and fellow blogger, Joel Brueseke of Grace Roots. Joel has a lot of wisdom and insight as he shares about Father’s love and grace. He has also recently started a Grace Roots ning site which is doing well and he shared with Jim his reason for starting this group.

Yesterday, Jim hosted another mutual friend, Darin Hufford of the Free Believers Network. Darin is the author of “The God Honest Truth,” a wonderful book that has been life changing for me. He’s also authored “The Misunderstood God” which will be released November 2.

Darin and Jim “talked about Darin’s new book, how religious thinking (vs. the Gospel) has distorted love, and what it means to be a free believer.” The discussion exposed the lies we've been told about God and replaced them with truth.

I think you’d enjoy both podcasts. To listen to Jim’s conversation with Joel, follow this link. To listen to Jim’s conversation with Darin, follow this link.

Results of a leadership vacuum

2009-07-02T18:09:00.001-07:00

I’m involved in several online groups and forums. Some are moderated and some aren’t. Because of recent events on a couple of these groups, I’ve begun to think about leadership and the need for it.

I know that for many of us who are no longer involved in a local church, the thought of leadership brings back some very unpleasant memories. So, before I start sharing my thoughts, let me say that I do NOT agree with the pastoral form of leadership that is used in most institutional churches today. I don’t believe this was the biblical form used by the early church nor was it set in place by the first apostles. Rather than strengthening the church, I believe this form of leadership actually hinders its growth and maturing.

That being said, I think leadership is necessary but should be fluid. The style used will vary and change with the circumstances and I believe the day will come when members of the church will have grown to the point that they will be able to lead themselves. However, if anyone has recently been involved in any online groups, I’m sure you’re aware that many who participate have not developed in self-control and their behavior can become destructive to themselves and to others. For that reason, leadership is still necessary.

However, let me say that I believe the micro-manager style of leadership is NEVER acceptable. A good leader in my opinion should maintain a loose grip over the group and may at times almost seem to disappear into the background. Yet, he will emerge if necessary to deal with issues and to encourage. Then, he will return into the background.

On unmoderated forums, the leader is so far in the background that he almost never emerges and has little influence over how the group functions. That works just fine if the members have matured and are led by love. This style of leadership becomes a problem, however, when the members of the group are not living free and are being controlled by impure motives. In these groups where there is a vacuum in leadership, leadership will ALWAYS emerge. People who are gifted as leaders will naturally begin to move forward and I believe that’s a God ordained flow.

In all of the online groups I’m involved with, I’ve seen this happen. I get excited when I see natural leaders begin to come forward to love and encourage the others. In these healthy groups, it’s not just one person but leadership may move and flow from one person to another to another until the entire group is involved in encouraging and moving the group forward. This is very similar to the V-formation in which geese fly. The geese continually rotate so that each goose take a turn flying in the lead position.

In online groups, the problem usually arises when the group has grown large. Over time, in unmoderated groups, there will eventually arise someone whose natural gift of leadership is tainted by impure motives. They will begin to draw around them an alliance of weaker individuals who will protect and support them. If, at that point the person who has actual authority over the group doesn’t step forward and re-instate order, the group is headed for a takeover. Then, when the takeover is complete, the new leader will rule with an arm of steel to silence anyone who attempts to question them.

We tend to think that spiritual abuse can only take place in an institutional church. However, we need to be aware that spiritual abuse exists outside of the institutional church. It exists whenever a leader forces his own agenda on the group at the expense of the other members. Abusive leaders can infiltrate a home group as well as an online group.

Although the primary purpose of this blog is to share about the life of grace, a secondary purpose is to inform and to encourage those who have been victimized by spiritual abuse. If you believe you’ve been a victim of spiritual abuse, please refer to the resources on my sidebar and don’t be ashamed. There is help and there is freedom available.

The ordinary times of life

2009-06-20T06:16:00.000-07:00

I recently read Matthew’s excellent post, "Founded on the Rock." As I thought about what he said, a new picture of Jesus emerged.

The Bible takes Jesus’ three and a half years of ministry and condenses it into a few chapters. The result is that we think Jesus’ life as well as that of his disciples was filled with one exciting event after another. Maybe if the gospel writers had instead given us a daily log of activities, we would have found that there were days and maybe even weeks when nothing really happened. Maybe there were days when life for them seemed pretty hum drum.

Jesus had a physical body subject to all of the limitations we have. No human body is able to sustain a constant life of excitement and adrenaline pumping through it. I really suspect that daily life for him and his disciples consisted primarily of relationship building with an occasional miracle thrown in. Yet our tendency and it may have also been that of the gospel writers is to focus on the unusual and the exciting events of his life.

As a result, we tend to think that the normal christian life is one filled with activity and drama . . . a continual adrenaline rush. We look at our lives and compare them to the fast moving pace of the gospels and think we’ve missed it because we’re not constantly healing the sick and casting out demons and we forget the people who daily cross our paths who leave having been touched by Father’s love in a special way.

We tend to view the Bible as a blueprint for what our lives should look like so, when we don’t match the blueprint, we start to think there’s something wrong with us and that we're not living an authentic christian life. Religion's focus on the miraculous in my opinion contributes to this misunderstanding. Instead, I believe the Bible was meant to be a sharing of various people's journeys and what they learned along the way regarding their relationship with God and how they related to others.

As Matthew pointed out, in the beginning we may experience constant joy and excitement but over time our emotions will level out because what was once new and exciting is now normal for us. In other words, we're now living the normal christian life so it no longer seems dramatic and exciting. Occasionally God may interject himself into our lives in an unusual way and we once again feel the excitement but we can’t base our relationship with him on those times or their absences.

I love how Matthew phrased it. He said: “Maybe worshiping God doesn't mean I have great loving feelings and excitement all the time. Maybe true worship is during the ordinary days of life when I feel nothing.”

This is an encouraging post and to read it in its entirety, follow this link.

The law is a package deal

2009-06-11T15:05:00.000-07:00

Darin Hufford’s podcast “Giving in the Wild” has generated a lot of discussion regarding whether tithing applies to us today as New Testament believers. As I read the comments, it occurred to me that the Old Testament laws are a package deal.

Although there were 613 different laws that comprise the law, God treated all 613 as a single unit. The Israelites couldn’t just pick and choose which ones they were going to obey and then ignore the rest. Each of the 613 had to be kept perfectly or the person was considered to have broken the entire law.

The same is true today. If you choose to put yourself under any part of the law, you’ve bound yourself to keep all of it. In the discussion about Darin’s podcast, one person was adamant that the law on tithing had to be obeyed. If that’s the person’s mindset, then she needs to keep the law on tithing PERFECTLY. Just bringing a tenth of her income to church and then putting it in the offering plate does NOT fulfill the law on tithing perfectly since the law on tithing is a series of very different laws. In addition to tithing, that person has also bound herself to keep the other 612 laws.

How stressful and how impossible!

No one can keep the law perfectly and no one ever has except for Jesus. He’s the only person who perfectly fulfilled the law.

The good news is that God never untended for us to keep the law. Its purpose was to enable us to see our inability and to cause us to come to Jesus. So, when we attempt to keep the law, we’ve rejected Jesus’ sacrifice in that area of our lives.

Jesus came to set us free from the Old Testament law with its impossible demands. Today, we're no longer bound by the Old Testament law. Instead, we're now bound by the New Testament law of love. No longer are we bound to an endless cycle of striving and defeat by trying to follow a long list of do's and don’ts . Instead, we're now free to follow love.

God is after our hearts. He put his law in our hearts and has filled us with himself. Now, we give cheerfully because his love in our hearts.

I’ve written several posts on the subject of tithing and giving. To read those, follow the links given below.

Learning to give out in the wild
Majoring in the minors
Great resources to learn more about tithing

Debating doctrine

2009-05-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

On some christian online groups, there seems to be a fascination with doctrine. Doctrinal debates will begin that get so intense that they often de-escalate into arguing and name calling and sometimes even cursing. As a result, some members leave the group wounded and hurting. I’ve even seen this happen in groups where the members supposedly understand grace.

These believers will say that doctrine is important and that correct doctrine is critical and they feel it’s their christian duty to defend correct doctrine at all cost. To prove their point, they will cite the fact that Jesus, Paul and the other New Testament writers all wrote about doctrine. I think they forget that Jesus, Paul and the others discussed doctrine in the framework of real life.

The New Testament letters were written as a help and encouragement to believers who were dealing with specific issues. Paul didn’t just out of the clear blue sky write them letters and begin talking about doctrine. Either they had contacted him or he had heard about struggles and questions they had and he wrote to share what he had learned hoping that it would help them in their journeys.

People who focus heavily on doctrine seem to feel it’s okay to correct total strangers who they disagree with and often seem to forget that brothers and sisters should be treated with respect. As I look at the New Testament letters, one thing seems to stand out and it’s the fact that these letters were written out of relationship. They were written by an individual who knew the heart of the people to whom he was writing. That’s why Paul when writing even the most corrective letters could remind the people of the good that was in their hearts.

Understanding doctrine is important but it was never meant to be expressed outside of the natural flow of life. All doctrine is meant to be lived and not merely discussed.

The Misunderstood God

2009-05-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

For some time, Darin Hufford has been working with Windblown Media on a rewrite of his excellent book, “The God’s Honest Truth.” Windblown Media is the publisher of “The Shack”, a book written by William P. Young, which skyrocketed to success and was listed by The New York Times on their bestsellers list. Darin’s book is now finished and ready to be released in early November under the title of “The Misunderstood God: The Lies Religion Tells Us About God.”

Darin self-published the original book and I’m excited that this wonderful book will now be available for wider distribution. Anyone who reads my blog with any regularity knows that I’ve been greatly impacted by this book and by Darin’s ministry. Since reading his book and getting involved with his ministry, my life hasn’t been the same. Darin opened my eyes and helped me to see the loving Father that religion had hidden from me. I don’t think any other book has impacted my life as much as this one has and I’m looking forward to getting my copy of Darin's new book.

If anyone hasn’t read “The God’s Honest Truth,” I highly recommend reading it as well as the new version, “The Misunderstood God.”

To read detailed information about this new book by Darin Hufford, follow this link.

Performance Based Acceptance - my story

2009-05-12T03:49:00.000-07:00

Although I’d been a believer for a number of years, I knew my life didn’t measure up to what I believed it should as a christian and, to be honest, I didn’t see that anyone else around me was doing any better. Toward the end of 1997, my desire to know God more intimately increased and I began praying what I’ve since come to realize is a dangerous prayer. I told him daily, several times a day, that I wanted to know him. Well, he took me at my word but, if I had known what was ahead, I don’t know that I would have prayed that prayer.

A few months later, he led me to a church that later became abusive. I stayed there over three years and those were the most difficult three years of my life but it was there that God began the process of setting me free from the need for people's approval.

As with all spiritually abusive leaders, the pastor of that church preferred new and inexperienced believers. Since I had been a believer for over 20 years, it was obvious that I was being pushed aside in preference to the younger believers. I even once told him that I felt like I wasn’t wanted there. Of course, he denied it but I knew it was true. The young and inexperienced were definitely preferred over those of us who were more mature and seasoned in our faith.

I struggled to gain this pastor’s approval and I remember thinking that there was nothing I could do to please him. For someone who thrived on the approval of others, that was tortuous. I hated it there and decided to leave several times but each time, God made it very clear that he wanted me to stay. It was only years later that I understood why it was important for me to stay. He wasn’t punishing me as I thought at the time but he was setting me free in ways that I couldn’t even imagine at the time.

After I left, I found Wayne Jacobsen’s Lifestream website and later Darin Hufford’s Free Believers Network. I devoured their teachings and, as a result, I finally understood the bondage I had been in and how God had been setting me free through what he allowed me to experience.

I also learned that I have a Father who loves me too much to let me stay in bondage. My freedom began with a lot of pain as I struggled to make sense of why he put me in an abusive church. Now, I look back on those days and think that knowing what I know now, if I had to do it over again, I would. I sure wouldn’t enjoy the suffering I went through but sometimes to effect a cure, a surgeon has to cut out the sick parts and that’s always painful. However, when the healing is complete, the results are worth it.

For me, this was the start of a very exciting journey and it has been a journey. I haven’t arrived yet and, at times, I still find myself reveling in the praise of man and looking for it. I still struggle at times when family members give me patronizing looks that seem to say that they’re being patient with me but I’ve also learned to laugh at myself when I act like my elevator doesn’t go up all the way.

I’m learning that it’s okay to be me. God created me and gave me my unique personality and he’s pleased with me just the way I am. If there’s any changing to be done, he’ll do it in his own time and in his own way. I’m not supposed to get stressed about it and spend a lot of effort trying to change what I view as faults. I just need to spend my time getting to know him and, through that relationship, he will change what needs to be changed in me.

Friendships without a hook

2009-05-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

We tend to want our friendships to all fit into a neat little predictable package but the truth is . . . they don’t. Since we’re all unique individuals relating to other unique individuals, each friendship will be different.

I prefer friendships where the relationship is mutual. I absolutely love it when my friends initiate some sort of communication with me. A phone call or an email just to say hello means a lot to me and makes me feel like they care and value me as a friend.

The friendships that I view as being one sided are very difficult. I get tired of always being the one to make the contact and eventually I find myself pulling back from those friendships. I want some indication from those friends that they care so I end up putting them on a point system. I compare the number of times they’ve contacted me with the number of times I’ve contacted them but that’s a surefire recipe for hurt.

With some friends, I have a real heart to heart connection that goes deeper than other friendships. These get complicated when I feel like they’re one sided. These types of friendships are very emotionally stressful so, sometimes it becomes necessary to pull back from some things for a time in order to avoid further hurt.

I believe we need to come to the place where we understand that God is there to meet our needs and he will sometimes ask us to be a friend to someone who isn’t meeting our emotional needs. It may be, that during this season, the other person needs our friendship and encouragement and God wants us to give freely with no strings attached.

Darin Hufford has an excellent teaching on giving and in it he says, “If you have love, giving will arise from that love. If giving does not arise from your love, it’s not love; it’s just fond of.” In other words, we’ll give because it’s the nature of love to give; it’ll simply be a natural outflow of the love Father has given us.

Learning to give up expectations and to love freely is difficult. It’s a process that I’ve entered into and it’s been hard. I like to be in control and to know how my relationships will work out but I’m slowly learning to just let those friendships be what they’re going to be.

Darin once told me that we tend to care more about what people do than we care about why they do it. I believe this is true. It’s easy to get so self-focused that we don’t look for the reason why. Maybe if we understood the “why”, the “what” wouldn’t be so painful.

God is our source for all things and, as we learn to look to him to provide the emotional support we need, he’ll provide in ways we never imagined. As we allow him to meet our needs, we’ll no longer be controlled by our expectations of others. Although learning to give up expectations is difficult, I believe it’s the only way to successfully navigate through the difficult and unpredictable waters of relationships.

Struggling - the avenue of growth

2009-04-26T04:31:00.000-07:00

Right now, I’m struggling in a couple of different areas of my life. In one of these areas, the emotional struggle is intense so I’ve had to isolate myself from some things in order to protect my thoughts and my emotions. Hopefully, as I go a bit further on this journey, this situation won’t be as painful and I won’t feel the need to protect myself. I’ll be able to trust God to do that.

For years. I’ve avoided struggles as much as possible since struggling leads to pain and to all sorts of hurtful emotions and I don't like to hurt. Over the years in the institutional church, I developed an institutional mindset and I began to think that as a follower of Christ, I wasn't supposed to struggle anymore. I begin to equate struggling with immaturity or a lack of spiritual commitment.

However, Jesus said that in this world we would have troubles so troubles are a way of life for everyone. While we’re in this world, we’ll have problems and we’ll struggle but Jesus said we can take heart so, even in the middle of our struggles, we can be encouraged. For me, it sometimes helps just knowing that I’m not alone. Knowing that others have had similar struggles and have gotten through them somehow encourages me that I can get through them too.

Struggles are not a sign of immaturity or a lack of commitment. They're a normal part of life and, here I’m going to say something that may shock some of you . . . if you never struggle, you’ll never grow.

Life begins with a struggle as a baby struggles to leave the safety of its mother’s womb and then struggles to take its first breath. The struggle begins then and continues throughout its life.

My one month old grandson was recently diagnosed with RSV. This is a highly contagious viral infection that in children that young can be deadly. When I asked my son if the doctor had prescribed any medication, the answer was, “no.” Since the cause is a virus, the only treatment is continual monitoring. So, this tiny little baby had to struggle through this illness in order to regain his health. Fortunately, the resources in his little body were sufficient and he’s now fully recovered.

A number of years ago, my son, the baby’s father, made a profound statement. He said that when we’re too quick to run to the doctor or to take medicine, we don’t give our immune system a chance to work. That simple little statement has stayed with me over the years. It’s only as our immune system struggles to heal us of colds and minor injuries that it will be strengthened for the tougher battles which are ahead.

I believe that’s true for all of the struggles of life. We tend to want the quick fix. We want somebody to run in there and make it all better. We pray and ask God to deliver us right now but chances are his deliverance will happen only as we struggle and walk through the circumstances. I’ve heard it said that God won’t necessarily deliver from the our circumstances but he will deliver us through them. I believe that’s often true and I’m beginning to see it more and more in my life as he walks with me through my circumstances.

The surprise for me is that I no longer look at struggles as I used to. I’m not saying that I look forward to them but I now accept them for what they are and I look to see where God is in the middle of them so that I can join him in what he's doing. That has made all of the difference in the world for me.

Dealing with questions

2009-04-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

I just read a post on Wayne Jacobsen's blog entitled, Questions, Questions, Questions. In it, he discussed how we have a tendency to let our questions hold us back from moving forward in this life of grace. We feel like we have to have all of our ducks in a row and we have to have all of our questions answered before we're willing to move forward.

This life of grace is meant to be lived and not dissected. I believe we need to move forward with what understanding we do have and as we do, God will enlighten us further. We'll never in this world and maybe never throughout all eternity understand the fullness of God's love and grace but the only way to grow in understanding is to live it.

Grace is a heart thing. While we can understand aspects of it intellectually, we'll never experience the fullness of it until we decide to live it even when we don't understand it. We have to be willing to trust that God loves us and will not allow us to drift away.

I've come to believe that my heart knows and understands his love even if my head doesn't. I'm seeking to re-connect with my heart so that living in Father's affection becomes a natural way of life for me. I'm a cautious person by nature. I like to think things through. I normally don't just go out and act without a lot of thought. That's okay but there has to come a time in my life when I make a decision that I'm moving forward even when my head is screaming a loud, "NO!!!"

Once I've connected with my heart, it's time to move forward. This is a lesson that I've been slow to learn so I really appreciate Wayne's encouragement. The comments to the post were also good and I would suggest reading them too.

I want to move forward into the wonderful things God's got planned for me. While I can't trust myself to fully understand, I can trust him to keep me from falling just as he said he would do.

Thoughts for the day after the Virtual Book Tour

2009-04-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

I want to thank Margaret Jones for stopping by on her virtual book tour and sharing part of her journey with us here yesterday. Margaret is truly an amazing woman whose heart is to see others set free.

Even if you didn’t get a chance to post a question or comment yesterday, it’s still not too late. I’m sure she will still be available to respond. I appreciate all of you who stopped by. I know some stopped here but didn't post a comment and that’s alright.

Spiritual abuse is painful to discuss but if believers don’t speak out, nothing will change. Hopefully, we’ve all become more aware of the abuse that takes place and are more knowledgeable as to how to help those who have been victimized.

"Not of My Making" Virtual Book Tour blog

2009-04-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

Haunted by the Ghosts of Spiritual Abuse

First I want to thank Aida for allowing me to visit and post to her blog. I pray that I am worthy and will not disappoint her and her readers.

I think it is fitting that this tour should start the day after Easter. Seven years ago I was forced out of my church during the latter part of Lent. Full recovery from my wounds took six years. It was a long, painful struggle and now, the day after Easter, this post is a kind of resurrection or rebirth for me. I have found my voice.

Still, there are small things that trigger sadness, grief and fear. Writing this post has been one of those small things. Last week I read through some of Aida’s more recent posts but what caught my eye was the quote from Isaiah 43: 18 -19. “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.” My stomach churned. Was I dwelling on the past refusing to move on? I have been accused of that by my former church mates and a couple of reviewers. But then I turn to my favorite quote from Elie Wiesel’s Night:

And yet, there has been a change in our behavior. First of all, we express ourselves. I force myself to share the secret that consumes me. I try to make the ghosts within me speak. Does that mean that the wound has healed over? It still burns. I cannot speak of it. But I can speak – that’s the change …

By telling my story I am moving on. I also know from psychological research into memory, that I cannot will myself to forget without it having negative consequences for my mental health. For years I repressed the memory of the sexual assault by my Uncle Frank who I adored. Not able to bear the pain of his betrayal and being too young to understand what had happened to me, I repressed the memory. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t even write about it in my journal. In the end I paid a price for keeping this secret. I became depressed, anxious and suicidal.

I was fortunate to get competent professional help and overcame my depression. I married, had children and earn my doctorate. Part of my recovery involved returning to church. I chose Unitarian Universalism because I believed members to be more tolerant than in other denominations. Things went well for a number of years until in 1993 I shared my qualms about calling a lesbian as our minister. I was shunned and blacklisted making it difficult for me to become a full participating member of other congregations near my home. This struggle eventually culminated in my being forced out of a Lutheran Church when they condemned my husband and me for ending the placement of our 16 year old Sudanese foster son. Members of my church refused to believe he had stolen a camera and was physically threatening. They encouraged and even condoned our foster son’s leaving our house when he was grounded. For the full story I encourage you to read, Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches.

I am certain that God does not expect or want us to forget abuse and other evil things. Instead we are to speak out against them and seek ways to prevent further abuse. So what are the former things Isaiah is referring to? I asked my priest, Fr. Lance at All Saints Anglican. He told me that this passage refers to the covenant between God and the Jews and is also a Messianic prophecy about John the Baptist and Jesus and the New Covenant. God makes all things new and the past is “forgotten” as we accept God.

So this passage isn’t commanding me and others like me to forget the abuse and not speak of it. God wants us to stop worshipping idols and follow his commandments. For a period of my life I wasn’t doing that. I left Christianity and replaced faith with science, rational thought and humanism. I denied man’s sinfulness and need for God’s saving grace. My move back to Christianity was slow and gradual and is one of the reasons I was forced out of a Unitarian Universalist church. Now I think God was trying to speak to me but I was slow to get it.

At first I thought the problem was a specific congregation, next I thought it was a denomination, finally I realized the problem is in all faiths, all congregations. People sin. Part of that is a tendency to bully and ostracized people who don’t agree with us or who we perceive are not like us. If we believe that since we are true Christians we are above all, we leave ourselves open to sin. Just as democracy requires eternal vigilance, so must we be mindful of our tendency to vie for status and power at the expense of others. I hope you will read Not of My Making and after having done so will consider what you can do to discourage bullying in your schools, churches and workplaces. The book is available at http://www.pluckpress.com/ or Amazon.com.

Thank you for taking your time to read this post. I am available today, April 13th, to take your comments and questions. May God’s peace be with you.

Margaret W. Jones, Ph.D.